Then and Now

This post is a memoir type of post. I am most familiar with thoughts about everyday life and experiences so that is what I write about.

     Something I find a little funny is how time and circumstances change you. I say this because I am 6 ½ months pregnant with my daughter and things that I wanted to do but didn't because I really truly didn't want to do, like dishes and laundry, are things that I actually prefer doing and think about constantly. I always wanted to be a good house wife, but to be quite honest I haven't been. Sure I treat my husband how he should be treated and took care of him but I wasn't actually caring for our home or taking pride in it. Then I went to my sister's wedding this last weekend and something the pastor said about the duties of a wife struck me like lightening and I suddenly became more aware of what I needed to do to the house. Ideas and projects to make my living space a home have been popping into my head and completing these projects is all I want to do. Being on leave from work has also given me time to heal and regain energy to actually do things for the house.

     My first project is my daughter's bedroom. Quite frankly the whole house needs repair but my little girl's room is priority as she will be here sooner than later and hers needs to be ready. The flooring needs repaired, the outlets need to be reattached, doorways need reassembled, and cupboards all need redone, not to mention new paint and some baby appropriate furniture need to be installed. We bought this place as a fixer upper however I didn't realize just how much of a fixer it was till we moved in. The owners before just half crapped the work and then hid the rest, which made me mad but my energy is better spent on my humble little home. My husband and I have ideas for how to redeem this place and make at least a little money back on it after we fix it, pay it off and can move. He is right and if I didn't have him to help me see otherwise, I would just pay it off and leave as is because until my sister's wedding I hated the place. Just being honest. But he says it has potential and now I know what he meant. I look on pinterest and see that a lot of what I look at we can do, slowly, but it can be done. By the end of it who knows I might just hate parting with it. If only a little.

     I can see wood flooring, and cream colored walls with pictures hanging at various heights. Just the idea makes me smile because being home I have the energy and means to redecorate and paint this little place. I can make it what I want it to be and make it mine. I intend on reorganizing after my little girl gets here so that we both have a functional home for her to learn and grow in. I have my sister to thank as an inspiration. Seeing her style and bedroom décor gave me some ideas as to what I want to do with my home. I thought I knew but it didn't pan out how I wanted. Plus I really feel like this new style will give me more adult pride in my home and make it feel more like a house than a dumpy trailer in a park. I can not wait to get started, course being pregnant I can't even attempt to lift certain things for fear of breaking my back and hurting my baby but afterwards I will be good.

     It is so strange to think of where I was even a month ago with everything. I hated my job, this home, my life, and even felt annoyed that the house was disgusting and I didn't have any energy or desire to keep it clean. But since being away from my job for two weeks now my heart and mind have been renewed and I feel much better. I have been able to invest in myself emotionally and spiritually and from that revive who I was and wanted to get back to being. Happy and hopeful, instead of angry and broken from the constant negative I was surrounded by. It's amazing that something as simple as taking a break from a crazy work environment that can suck you so dry in every aspect of your life can make such a difference. I have my husband to thank greatly right now. He is a hero and I don't think this would be possible without him. Sure its a struggle financially at the moment but this time away from work is saving our marriage. I am not complaining about how much I hurt and how much I hate work and how overwhelming it is. I haven't ranted about work nearly the entire time I have been away ,which I have noticed gives him a spring in his step. He always listened when I was angry but it drained him, and I could tell towards the end there. This has been good and I hope that if I go back that the last two months are better than the last 9 plus has been.

     My task now is to establish myself in the writing realm as well as in my Mary Kay career. Yes I sell Mary Kay and I am not ashamed. If you approach it with how Mary Kay Ash herself had in mind then people will love it as much as you do. National Sales Director Gloria Mayfield Banks said this. “ If all you see when you look at Mary Kay is make up then you haven't looked deep enough.” I will leave that thought with you and touch on it in another post but it is something that I can not stop thinking about since I heard it. I can earn money without working for corporate america and I want to so I can stay home with my little angel! This is how I am choosing to do so.

     I have faith that this is what God designed and he will provide. I have become a big believer in the things God tells me are possible and believe that if he says something will be, or that he will provide then it's true. God isn't a god who lies, or deceives. I can trust him and so I do!  

Author's Note

I would like to run this through a peer editing group so that I can gain insight into what I am missing, what didn't flow, what spelling or grammar errors I may have. Helpful advice pertaining to writing quality and accuracy only. If you don't like my writing style I won't accept it, just don't read it. This is a memoir style post so if you don't like memoirs please don't read it.
All other advice and critiques are very welcome!