And This Is My First Holiday Alone

Sometimes

When our lives are radically changed

in the rare mid-life crisis

or coming of age moments

The holidays seem to creep up on us

We don't receive the slow

seasonal feel, like other previous years

But our senses seem to be numb

While the world rushed to keep it's cheer

We don't fool ourselves

The tears flow easily

and we don't try to hold anything back

These nights, we've grown accustomed 

The ritual laws have been learned

From a few weeks of practice

If we don't fight it, let it all come out

Then sleep will come quickly and peacefully

So we sit with our anguish

As quietly as possible

Thrashing in the covers

and squeezing the pillow

Screaming to the holiness above

To take our pain, and hurt and tearing of the heart

And throw it out and away

Because

Even though we're used to this

It tears us apart every time