Me

Me

A Poem by Violet Ray

I'm doing better than you thought I could do
You thought my whole world revolved around you
Devouring all of my emotion
Leaving me cold and open
Naive to your ways 
I spent years, months, weeks, days.....

Listening, obeying, and mistreated
Pushed around, fell down, like I just don't get it?
What am I doing wrong?
What do I have to do right?
Confused, so consumed, weak
It's like still trying to drive a car when you're running on E
No need for your sorry and pleading
I've learned to become concerned about my feelings
Stood up for what I believed in.....

Now look at you
Cold, empty, so consumed
I see a replay in my life when I look at you
You thought my whole world revolved around you
I'm doing better than you thought i could do.

© 2014 Violet Ray


Author's Note

Violet Ray
Honest opinions please. Negative and positive may be shared

My Review

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Featured Review

I liked it, I think a lot of people can relate to it. So many people are being "door mats" and not standing up for themselves. The only suggestion I have is that you might want to capitalize the i 's in your poem (What do I have to do right? instead of What do i have to do right?) Great work, keep writing!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Great poem, locally felt message

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow, LOVE this! Your words are so powerful to one who has been there, and was unable at the time to put into words what I felt. Encouraging - Inspiring - Excellent!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Though I cannot say I relate to your writing I do very much enjoy it. Your word use is interesting and while your grammar could use a bit of revision (i.e incorrect words like your/you're, things like that) But all in all your poetry is beautiful and moving.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

its a beautiful thought!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The honest emotion in this write is well expressed. A write of empowerment. The rhythm of your words flows easily. Well written. Lydi**

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

all positive , i'm always impressed with your writings cuz they're so real and true i can sense that when i read'em , beautifully word expression and i think you're such a brave and good girl , i'd love to get to know you more ;)
PS : don't give a damn , like they say Karma is a B***h it'll always come back and bites you in the a*s

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Violet Ray

9 Years Ago

Thank You so much feel free to message me if so :)
lovergirl

9 Years Ago

you're very welcome ! i sure will ;)
karma in action. direct and beautifully constructed

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Exactly how i used to feel. Very wonderful poem, every word of it, it is great.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

wow! sounds brutal but it beautifully sad and lovely in a finding your strength kinda way.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Your lines have a rushing, driving sense, carrying the reader throughout the piece.

NOTES: I recommend trying for a balanced meter. As I've said many times, I don't think strict meter is required for poetry. I do think a balanced meter, especially when rhyme is employed, helps the poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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26 Reviews
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Added on December 3, 2014
Last Updated on December 4, 2014


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