Alice

A story of a young man who wakes up and finds an unusual visitor in his house.

                                   

                                   Alice

            I woke up in my bed room to the smell of food cooking and to the noise pots moving. As I began to get up from my bed I felt a huge shock of pain coursing through my head, I put my hand on my head. Ah, oh great, a f*****g hangover. I must have over-drank. I then began to wonder, what occurred last night? I couldn’t seem to recall anything that happened. Then I realized, oh my God, I blacked out last night! The noise from outside my room got louder. It sounded like plate being moved around. Is someone in the kitchen? No f****n way I brought someone to my place! I quickly got up from bed and opened the door. The aroma of the food came flooding into my noise and I could see the steam of whatever was cooking. As I began to walk towards the kitchen I started wondering who this person could be, why on Earth would I have let them into my home. I was ready to expect the unexpected. As I entered the kitchen I was shocked to see that it was a women.

She turned around and our eyes locked. We stared at one another for a while (as if we wear analyzing each other.) She then spoke with a soft voice “I got kind of hungry and I thought I would make breakfast for both of us I hope you’re not mad”. I stared at her and said, Na, its ok I guess. She then took the plate with food to the table, sat down and said “Well, let’s eat then”. I slowly walked over and sat down”. As the girl began to eat, I took a better look at her, she had straight long blonde hair with sapphire blue eyes her figure was kind of slim and her skin was somewhat pale. She stopped eating and began to look at me and said “Aren’t you going to eat?” I looked at her and said, um, I’m sorry but who are you? She gave me a confused look and said “What you mean?” I replied back, Um, well, you see I kind of blacked out last night and I really can’t remember anything. She looked at me with a shocked face and then began to laugh and said “So all this time you had no idea who I was and just went along with it I’m sorry but that’s just stupid, but anyways my name is Alice”. I smiled and said my name is Danny. She continued to laugh and said “I know I’m not the one who lost their memory.” We both laughed. I then gazed at the clock next to her. My eyes widened I stood up and said oh my god its 10:30 I’m late for work. I left the table and ran to my room and changed, I then got out of the room and said we got to leave. She said “fine I’m already ready anyways.” We both got out of the apartment and I closed the door, I looked at her and I said um well nice to meet you but bye I have to go, but before I could leave she grabbed my arm took out a pen and stared writing on me. I looked at her and said let go I’m late I’m late, she then let go and said “here’s my number if you ever want to catch up on what happened last night bye”. She then turned and began to walk the other way. As I began to run to work I gazed at my arm and started to think “Alice, huh? Maybe I will call”. 

As I arrived to work I tried to sneak into my office as fast as I could. I was a few step away from my office and then I heard him “Danny, late to work again, I see”. I stopped in my tracks and began to turn around to see my boss, Lewis Carroll, “Danny, this is the tenth time you’ve been late this month, what is the meaning of this?” I avoided looking him in the eyes, I’m sorry Mr. Carroll. I had a long night. It won’t happen again. He looked at me with a face of disappointment as he sighed he said “Danny you need to start taking your job seriously and stop all your late night drinking, your lucky you’re one of the best writers I have in this company so once again I’ll let you off but this is the last time”. I smiled and said thanks Mr. Carroll. As I began to walk towards my office Mr. Carroll began to shut out “Danny the Rabbit leave Wonderland eventually.” I sighed and as I entered my office I heard “late again Danny, you must really want to see how far Mr. Carroll’s patience can go.” I turned my head to see my coworker John. I smiled and said yeah but I think he is reaching his limit, his head might blow up if I keep this up”. We both laughed then I went to sit down. John was your average Joe if your average Joe was half crazy, he would always come to work with a hat on his head and a cup of tea in one hand. He would always write the most intriguing stories; I remember way back the very first time I readied one of his stories it was so good I couldn’t put it down. When I asked him at the time how he wrote such an amazing piece? He simply said “It’s the formula I use happiness with tragedy and just a little bit of insanity”. I looked at him with a confused face and asked him a formula what are you a mad scientist? He laughed and replied aren’t all writers just a little mad? I smiled and said I guess. 

As I started working John looked at me and said “So who’s the lucky lady you had the pleasure of waking up to this morning?” I looked at him with a shocked look and asked him how did he know about that? He replied I am psychic. I looked at him and asked really? He laugh and said “Na I don’t have to be psychic to see those digits on your arm, she write them kind of big so it’s hard not to notice it.” I laughed and said well you got me, I woke up with a girl in my place. “Well don’t keep it to yourself let’s go tell me all the juicy details.” John said. I began to smile and told him that I couldn’t remember anything from last night, he looked at me with a straight face and sighed “well I guess that’s what you get for over drinking, that could have been the best night of your life but I guess you didn’t come out empty handed you got her number after all”. I look at my arm and said yeah I guess, John stated looking at me closely and said “you are going to call her right?” I looked at him and said well yeah I want to know what happened last night. John sighed and said “is that all you going to do? Your denser than I thought, this is your chance to get out of the single lane”. I started to look down and said you know I’m not interested in a relationship. John looked up at the ceiling and lay back and said “Oh my god don’t tell me you’re still obsessed about that crimson haired witch, you guys broke up years ago, you know see the type of girl to cut someone off when she gets bored of them, a seductress as we in the writing industry like to refer.” I looked at John and said yeah I know you’re right. John smiled and said “I’m just looking out for you.” I said thanks. We didn’t speak as much until it was time to leave work. We left the building together and said good bye to each other. As John was walking away he shouted “Call her” I smiled and kept walking.

 As I finally got home and realized the food she had cooked was still there, it had gotten cold but you could still smell the delicious aroma that had gotten attached to the apartment. As I smelled it my stomach stared growling, I cringed and said, ah, I haven’t ate anything all day. I sat down on that couch and stared at the numbers on my arm, I sighed and said, well, I guess I can take her out since she cooked breakfast. I took out my phone and put in the number and started to call her, it rang a couple of times and a couple more times just as I thought that I was going to voice message she picked up and with a soft voice said “Hello”. My heart started to pound and for some reason I couldn’t speak, she said hello again but this time I managed to force the words out of my mouth, Hello this is Danny, is this Alice? She replied and said “Oh hi Danny I was wondering if you were going to call, so what’s up” I replied and said I was thinking of going out to eat and I was wondering if you wanted to come since you went through the trouble of cooking this morning? She replied and said “Yeah ok where do you want to meet up at?” At Gianni’s restaurant I said, she laughed and said “Ok meet you in a few” as I hung up I asked myself what happened? Why did I get nervous?

It was cold and windy outside, the breeze strong enough to move sign and trash cans I was glad brought my jacket. I began to look at my watch, the more minutes that ticked away the more inpatient I got. How long is it going to take for her to get here? Just as I was about to go in I heard a loud shout “I’m here wait.” I turned to look and there she was across the street running towards me, as she finally made it to me she stopped and started to catch her breath. She took a deep breath of air and said “Sorry I hope you weren’t waiting for too long” I just stared at her she was wearing a blue summer dress with a white rose in her hair. She looked at me and said “You know it’s rude to stare” I chuckled and said well you know it’s rude to be late, any ways let’s go inside. As we came inside we found a table and sat down, a waiter soon came and asked us what would we be ordering today? I opened the menu and said Alice you want to start off with garlic bread or a salad? She started rubbing her fingers and the mumbled out “Garlic bread sounds good, I guess.” I asked her if she was ok she then replied “um well this is the first time I came to a fancy place like this so I’m kind of nervous.” I sighed and said is that it. Just look at the menu and pick something. She began to nervously open up her menu and flipping through the pages. She then said “Umm, I don’t know what to pick it all looks good.” I looked at the waiter and told him to bring us garlic bread as an appetizer, then two chicken alfredo with fettuccini noodles, and 2 glasses of coca cola. When the waiter was done writing he said “excellent choice sir” and left. Alice hand came across the table and she flicked me in the head. Ouch! what was that for? She then crossed her arm and looked the other way and said “I can order myself you know.” I looked at her and said you were taking too long and are you really mad about that? Alice didn’t even move or respond to me. I sighed and said fine look you can choose the desert ok. Her arms were still crossed but she turned her head and said “really?” I smirked and said yeah really. She smiled and said “Sucker.” then stuck her tongue out at me. We stared to laugh then we began talk. We talk about work and told story about our life’s, then just started asking funny questions as we ate. We were having a great time everything was going perfect nothing could go wrong but I guess I spoke to soon.

The restaurant door opened and let in a cold and fierce gust of wind and with it came the crimson witch. My eyes could believe it why today of all day did she have to come, it got worse our eyes locked and then she notice that I was with Alice, she let out a big grin before beginning to walk toward us. My hand began to shake and I stated to sweat, with every step she took I felt like I was one step closer to death. Alice noticed and asked if everything was alright but noting was alright not anymore. I felt like running out of here and taking Alice with me, I hoped to God that she wouldn’t notice us maybe she was walk towards someone else but I knew better and there was no hope of leaving now because she was already here. There she was standing right next to us with her long crimson hair, wearing a tight black dress with clubs, diamonds, hearts, and spades designs on it, her lips were blood red and she had big hooped earring. She grinned and said “Danny what a surprise to see you here and who is this lovely lady? Alice look at me and didn’t know whether to respond or not, I look at Alice and said Alice this is Jessica she an old acquaintance of mine. Alice looked at Jessica and said “Hi it’s a please to meet you”, Jessica still with a huge grin said “Hello Alice, it nice to meet you too. It good to know that someone here has manner.” I turn my head and glared at Jessica then I said so what brings you here? Jessica replies and said “Well I was riding around in my new BMW when I got hungry so I thought let me go to Gianni’s it been a while.” I continued to glare at her then I said, you misunderstood my question, what I meant to say was what brings you to my table? Jessica still smiling said “How rude are you still upset that I broke up with you darling” Alice took her eyes away from me and began to look down. Jessica’s grin got bigger then turned her head towards Alice and began to say “Wow Alice you’re really beautiful” Alice looked up and said “Thank you” Jessica continued to talk “No really your skin is so youthful and that dress looks splendid on you, but there’s only one problem.” Alice with a soft voice said “What” Jessica’s grin faded and said “Why that white rose dear it simple horrid but I can fix that.” Jessica took the rose out of Alice’s hair and took her lipstick and began to paint the rose red. When she finished she gave it back to Alice and said “Their better right.” I stood up and said that’s enough Jessica, Alice then stood up with her head looking down and said “Its ok Danny I’m going to be leaving now any ways, and nice meeting you Jessica.” She then began to ran out with tear falling of her face.

I quickly stood up and tried to go after her but was stopped by Jessica. Jessica spoke “So those are the girls you’re going after these days you must be dispirit for attention, but if it’s attention you’re looking for I can give you it.” She raised her hand and tries to touch my face but I smack her hand way and said don’t touch me and get out of my way. She sighs and said “Don’t make a scene you know I always get what I want” I brush her aside and said well not this time. She began to chuckle and then said “That’s too bad I guess I’ll just have daddy fire you” I stop moving, Jessica smiled and said “Have you forgotten? My daddy is your boss, I put in the word and your good as gone, so do make the right decision.” I began to chuckle then she yelled out “What was so funny this is your job we’re talking about” I turn around and said it funny you know, your dad told me something this morning, he said the rabbit leaves wonderland eventually so I’ll be on my way bye Jessica.

I ran out and began to look for Alice, I looked everywhere from the form the main streets of the city to the city slums. Just as I was about to give up I saw blonde hair moving gracefully with the wind, she was on the other side of the bridge. I began to run towards her screaming out Alice! With every step I took, as I finally caught up to her she was shivering and her face was wet with tears. She looked at me and said “You went looking for me?” I took off my jacket and put it over her I then replied, of course I went looking for you, what did you think that I was going to stay with Jessica? She looked at me with her eyes wide open and said “Why are you doing this for someone you don’t even know” I smiled then began to wipe the tears of her face and said I do know you you’re the girl that woke up in place and started making breakfast, the girl who was late to a dinner invitation and then flicked me on the head for ordering for her. She smiled and stayed silent. I looked at her sapphire eyes and said I may have not known you for the longest time but I do know that when I’m with you I smile, laugh, and have a great time, I haven’t done any of those thing the last couple of years and right now all I know is that I want to stay with you. I smiled and said besides you still have to pick out what we’re going to eat for desert. Alice laughed then came closer to me and we began to walk not towards the city but rather away from it.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar problems, what do you think of the dialogue. I don't own any rights for the image attached to this story, the image is made and owned by Ilya Kuvshinov, please check out more of his art work at http://kuvshinov-ilya.deviantart.com/ . Thank You

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Thanks, it was easier to read after your changes. I notice you have 30 views and only my comment. Probably others were put off by the original formant and never bothered to say so. It is still hard to read, so I cut and pasted it into MS Word and increased the font size to 12. After that it was a breeze.

I will ignore the grammar problems after mentioning that the grammar problems are the biggest problems the piece has. Watch the contractions and be sure you know when to use your and you're, they're and their - that sort of thing.

Not differentiating between interior monologue and actual dialogue (which requires quotation marks) is a problem. The huge number of tag lines is monotonous and you can easily revise them out if it suits you to do so. Those two adjustments alone will super-charge your dialogue.

My interest in writing is focused on the short story (for the most part, but not exclusively), and I look for them here. This has the makings of a good story if a good ending might be provided, otherwise a chapter in a longer work. If a chapter it functions as an introduction to scene, character and situation in a workmanlike manner.

Hope this helps. Best of luck in your writing.

[Anderson garcia]

Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for the feed back you gave. It honestly helps me improve as a writer. I'm glad to hear that it has the potential to be a good story and will make an ending that would satisfy the reader. Again thank you for reading my story.

[Delmar Cooper]

I am intimidated by the large and monolithic block of text, so intimidated that I did not read your piece. I suggest you put your story into a standard paragraph format and give the reader some eye relieving white space.

[Anderson garcia]

Thank you for your advise, i had revised my story and and put spaces between between paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes.