Hear Me NowA Poem by Atton Brown
I’ve stolen, lied, and been disrespectful Tried to kill him, tried to kill me But now, I find myself regretful If I had died, would I haunt your memory? Could you even see me for who I am? Could you look me in the eye and say you’re my friend? You can’t, I call bullshit, and refused to be scammed I never really thought about how it would end…
I find myself, or at least a part of me Lost in the shuffle and I want you to see See with your broken eyes and not your callous speech Cuz every word you speak becomes a leech Sucking the life outta me Now how do you feel pullin a knife outta me? You stabbed me in the back, the front, hell swept my legs And still I beg For your approval, your acceptance Damn I regret this
The decisions I’ve made were regrettable But I hope to you, my actions are unforgettable How did you feel when you saw me there? Were you sad, angry, hell did you even care? Of your course you don’t, you thought it was all pretend I’m writing this so you can understand I’m not crazy, psycho or delirious Just serious In serious need of assistance But my persistence Only warranted my non existence
Are you really that puzzled? Well here’s the last piece Peace In my mind, my body, my soul My whole Has been achieved And yes I went against what you believed And yes I’m sorry if I caused you to grieve But grief Is all you deserve, you thief You stole my life, my self confidence Keep reading these words; it’s you who brought me to this I wish to whatever god you praise That I could see the look upon your face The melancholic daze Then raze The little boy you claimed to raise That you couldn’t even raise, out of a depressed phase You called it a phase, for days But you weren’t even fazed You didn’t care, you still don’t Still won’t Get this through your thick skull Stuffed and stuffed with s**t, your words so full Of careless neglect Demand respect? When I’m still a spec Shrinking away More and more each day Why do I hide? Why didn’t you open your eyes? You could have stopped my suicide
Erase and burn everything you have of me Denial of my death will erase my memory Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you No more calling, I saw right through you
How does it feel staring down into the casket? Knowing that I was a basket Case Taste The tears falling to your lips But your face was dry when you cracked the whips Dry and cold Hateful and old Bemused by abuse And confused by the use Of your hands as weapons The silence, deafens Spilt only by my screams And the pain just teems In the palm of your hands Cuz I didn’t meet your demands And on the edge of my knife I wallow in strife
Can’t you see what’s happening here? Hear The words as I speak And the blood leaks From my wrists And this…tenacious cancer in the back of my mind persists…
Have you ever just sat staring at a knife? Not knowing if you would take it, or if it would take your life It’s a bizarre feeling And your mind is sent reeling You fall back into the recesses, the bowls The darkest pits of your imagination. Where the owls Hoot and whoo Who Would have thought I’d been in this position Time to break down the falsehood of my disposition I would fain open this new door If it meant I could feign no more And feign, of course Referring to my pain, my coarse Mask I wear A devilish task I dare Not wish on any other But it’s just another Way for me to hide And I hid this secret away until the day I died
Erase and burn everything you have of me Denial of my death will erase my memory Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you No more calling, I saw right through you
People always choose to fear what they don’t understand Gawk at the entity and reprimand Stare hopelessly with epithets that never end But I was afraid because I understood That within me I held something I should Rebuke and destroy And not fall prey to this ploy So I held the gun to his head And timid I said,
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t leave you dead. Why I should supply more of the malice on which you fed”
While I was timid, he was not so shy I held my ground as I heard his reply,
“I am the reason you are alive, In me you thrive. I gave you power Where you would cower.”
He knocked away my gun Thinking he’d won. He took over and became a part of me He’s been writing, can’t you see? He couldn’t take my elation Trying to cause my incessant aberration So I locked him away in the back of my brain Seemingly it ended, but in reality I’d just masked the pain
I felt myself growing weary Dreary Clearly changing Merely fading He became a dreadful tumor, a twisted cancer But now the answer Is finally shifting into focus And this plague of locusts That I named sanity Has metamorphosized into a beautiful insanity Through the lunacy where I dwell You pushed me further into some perverted hell And I pushed back, against the grain Tolerated the strain Until I came out with mortality in my hands And your demands Tossed aside I lied I murdered you, I am the reason you died
I come to the last stanza, final act To state a few simple facts In every human, there are imperfections Yet a heightened detection In the flaws of others We call some our brothers Yet your actions say other Wise … {L i e s} Wisdom Will be on of the most valuable things to own When you’ve found it, you can prove you’ve grown That you’re past the petty bullshit You’re done with it That monster that sat in the back of your mind Wasting your time Making you kill Taking your will Until you feel you’ve lost control Lost your hold On life and your grip on reality And the protruding duality Of your opaque personality “Shall so be in use and dreadful objects so familiar,” That the caterpillar You have in your fragile heart Can start To grow to the butterfly And every evil in my heart and your own can finally die…
Erase and burn everything you have of me Denial of my death will erase my memory Can you hear me now? I’ve called out to you No more calling, I saw right through you © 2011 Atton BrownAuthor's Note
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Added on February 22, 2011Last Updated on February 22, 2011 AuthorAtton BrownVAAboutLook, I'm Me no one else. i write things that have happened to me sometimes with extreme exaggereations but you wouldnt be able to tlel the difference. if u knew me you'd get it but if you have to ask.. more..Writing
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