Confessions of an Anhedonic

I stood on the podium with an ashen smile and my head down
perhaps to evade the stony stares of the alien people in front.
A momentous feat it was, after a long long wait, yet I found myself
contemplating if it was worth- those lengthy taxing study hours.
Why am I not happy?

Sodden in mud water and with a few torn shards of cloth
which barely hid our vital parts, we patrolled the streets
as part of our Holi rituals. Amidst my jubilant friends,
I found myself alone and empty yet again.
Why do I feel lonely?

In the backdrop of white paradise and supreme quietness
I stood with my lovely wife by my side, with occasional lumps of ice
tossed at us by our kid. In that most indescribable moment,
I found myself drifting away- away from what was the question.
What am I missing?

Since long, I have been haunted
by these daunting questions.
Why am I not happy?
Why do I feel lonely?
What am I missing?

I have been living in, not with, this condition
for as long as I remember- those questions
still unrequited. Fortunate you must be for
you can have those moments of happiness.