Come See the Show

another dream i am not that satisfied with the peice though

Come one, Come all

Come see the show

In the middle of nowhere

A thousand chairs are set

To see the boy with long hair

 

Now all the chairs are seated now

By the wicked and the demonic

They came from all around

To watch the boy

To hear his unique sound

 

Their blank stares watch the boy

As he descends the wooden stairs

To the wooden porch

Which is his stage

 

A shows what they came for

So time for the first act

The boy takes the acoustic

And looks with dismay

For on rusted strings

He is forced to play

 

He takes a look

Into the void

Out to the crowd

To see blank stares all around

 

No expression

No words

Or claps

None

Except from the old man

Detached from the crowd

 

He cheers for every song

Bobbing his head to the beat

Of each harmonious melody

Complementing on each act

Puffing his cigar trying not to hack

 

After a while the boy's fingers start to tear

Causing blood to pour like rain from his hand

Out to the crowd the river would flow

And when reaching them the boy would behold

There demonic forms change to a soul pure as gold

Which floated up high for they were free from this world

 

But when it reached the old man

Light took his form

He looked at me

And gave me a wink

And it all suddenly changed

 

The guitar transformed

Body made of ebony

Fret board intertwined with ivory

And the tuning pegs of pure silver

 

The world around me morphed

From the void of nowhere

To a stage with a crowd

Full of screams

And the old man came up to me

And bonded with me bonding me

With eternity

And together we played the greatest show of all

Author's Note

reviews please

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I love it. Your a great writer. :)

[CrystalMoon]

ok I like it, like its a great piece...but i dont really get it, like when it says that blood is pooring from his hand....where did that come from?? I just don't get some parts thats all, but over all it's a good piece

[Stammers]

This had a dream like quality, it was refreshing and well written, I'll definatley want to re-read this.

[victoria]

oh wow, i really really enjoyed this. the topic is an amazing one, and you did an amazing job going into detail about it. i actually think the flow was amazing, and i dont think it was a "mess", the structure is just fine, and it didnt feel ""rushed" at all to me. i could see the picture being layed out in my head while i was reading this, and i liked it so much i read it twice. my favorite stanza was the last one. great great job :)

[The Perfectionist]

11 Reviews already. *Twitch*

Oh dear. Wow. This is a mess. There's a really cool visual story in this poem, but dear God, I see why you weren't happy with it. That structure is all over the place. You can't keep form anywhere, and I honestly don't know HOW your flow survived the constant shifts in tempo, but it managed somehow.

This isn't something I can nitpick though. This poem feels rushed, and I think it's something you should rewrite and really take your time with. The structure will find itself if you let it.

As far as it goes though, one thing I can say is that "Now all the chairs are seated now" should not have two 'now's in it. Take one out. Actually, that line still looks funny. Try, "Now all the chairs have been filled" or something.

Oh, and the transition from third to first person, while not entirely unexpected, is a little sudden and rough from a structural point of view. I would keep it in third, I think it works better that way.

A great story as always though.

[LeeLee Ryder]

Loved the description of the transforming guitar ...
The last morphed moment of the dream is a positive sign
that you'll be doing what you love for a long time ... Keep playing ..
Plus, I loved the line: "Causing blood to pour like rain from his hand"
LLR

[JudeTrain]

A very interesting poem, there's a lot of information here because it is a story, but fortunately for the readers it flows wonderfully. The problem with long poems is you usually have to have a good enough subject to keep it going for however long, otherwise it gets stale, or it may not even poetry anymore. And this is mainly because you, as the writer, can't fill up each stanza as much as you would a 12 lined poem. But you somehow seemed to pull it off fantastically. It was balanced with just enough detail for its length, i loved the story, and the fact it was a dream gives me something, because i can imagine it being one. I saw every piece in my head. Wonderful 90/100

[MoonlitAngel]

This is definitely one of my favorite types of poems. A poem that tells a story. I can't write one to save my life, but I very much enjoy reading them. Amazing work.

--Blood

[Theresa]

I like the story this poem created. It kept me interested from start to finish. Great flow and nicely written. It's amazing what a dream cna be turned into. Keep up the great work.

[Lilly]

very nice - love it!