Friendly Reminder, Love ME!

A Story by H.April

A little reminder to love myself.

Nicholas Sparks once wrote, “The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.” So beautiful. So honest. See these two sentences describe falling in love perfectly, and of course, having your heart broken.

When you fall in love with someone, it feels magical. I can’t think of any other words to describe the emotions and the feelings you hold deep inside of you when you think of that one person who makes your heart race. It is the best feeling I think I have ever felt. This is why I don’t regret meeting the man who broke my heart. I couldn’t ever say or feel any regret for allowing him into my life or my heart. He made me feel like I was worthy of something more than the dark hole that was swallowing me up. He made me feel beautiful and happy.

So happy…

Of course though, this didn’t last forever. Not like in the fairy tales that I loved so much when I was a child. As predicted, I let my guard down and let him into my heart and I was broken.

The feeling of heartbreak, from what I can describe, is like someone has taken your heart out of your chest and is holding it in front of you. You try your hardest to reach it but it’s too far away from you. Every now and again, you feel your fingertips touch your heart and it makes you think, “maybe I will be okay...” Then you see him. POOF. Your hearts gone again, but this time it’s more like a 26 mile long marathon away from you. Like all marathons, you need to practise before you start running. You can’t just set off for the finishing line and think you’ll win. That isn’t how it works.

THIS IS JUST LIKE FALLING IN LOVE.

THEN GETTING YOUR HEART BROKEN.

When you meet someone you think you’ll never lose, it warms you from the inside to the outside. You feel like you can do anything. Like you can fly and like you can deal with anything the world has to throw at you. Though, when you love someone and then learn they’ve taken that love they had for you and given it to someone else, you feel destroyed. You’re wings are cut short and you can’t fly any longer. The feeling of dealing with any issue this world could throw at you… That is a memory of a time you know you’ll never get back. No matter how hard you try to.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this… I have had my heart broken. I have felt love for another person and felt it so strong that I wanted to forget the pain he caused me. I wanted to pretend all of the pain wasn’t real and that it was all just a nightmare that I don’t need to ever think of again. It isn’t though.

He has hurt me.

He has broken my heart.

He has made me embarrassed to be myself.

He has made me hate myself.

It is so scary to actually put these words onto paper. Just typing them and letting anyone in the world read them is terrifying but I need to let it out. I need to know it will be okay one day and that I don’t need to feel so scared.

Finding girls underwear and little sexy tops. Finding fake nails. Finding a box of condoms that you know were not the ones you used with him. Him pulling away from you and not texting you even half as much as he did previously. These are signs. These are textbook signs that a man is cheating on you. These are the signs I was given. I didn’t and still don’t want to believe any of it, but I have to. If I want to move on from my heartbreak and allow myself to learn to love me again. I need to say it out loud.

He cheated on me.

He broke my heart.

Good, now just keep telling yourself that. Don’t let his words and promises make you think that he isn’t lying when he says he didn’t do it. Don’t let him make you think that you are just being paranoid and that he would never hurt you. Don’t let that little pug teddy that he bought you for Christmas be a reminder that he once made you feel so happy. Just don’t let him worm his way back into your heart again. All he will do is take you for granted again. Don’t let his amazing smile, and that one single dimple on his right cheek make you feel like you can’t go on. Don’t let his blue eyes make you think you can’t leave. You are so much better than someone who will break your heart and leave you to be with another woman.

Just a Friendly Reminder…

Love, Me.