I Knew Stefani

I saw a woman for what she was, not for what she wanted me to see.

I have chosen to spend my energies in all the ways

immoral and uncivil

wasting the single-serving life with the influence of all the vices of my peers

I am 23, and as I sit in this cardboard box

on the side of Misery Street and Brokenheart Ave

I wonder where things went wrong.

You know, I used to think it was cool

to let the many little pieces of my dignity

slip away into the possesions of people

who were more than willing to take them.

It's nearing my birthday now.

And I have nothing left to say for myself or my name

than a couple of stained work shirts (from jobs I got fired from)

a half-pack of Marlboro Smooths, and a few greasy dollar bills

which I could probably find

if I fished around in my purse for a while.

The grass underneath my feet seemed so alive when I was younger

But was I ever even younger?

Days are just graywash now

a couple more blank pages in my story

which nobody would probably

ever want to read

anyway.

I could tell a good story

and I could probably spin a great line

if you'd take the time to hear me talk

for just a few more minutes.

First, I'd take you down memory lane

to the nightmares of my past

when I actually did used to be innocent and pure

but the whirlwind of unfortunate events

slung me straight from childhood in to the cruel atmosphere

into which I now find myself.

All of the events between these times were things done to me

and I am just the product of bad luck and dramatic circumstances.

I'm not going to say that

you should feel bad for me

but you should.

It doesn't help that what little future I thought I had

I carelessly invested into men

who all ended up abusing my good nature

and leaving me for women who apparently

had more to offer in ways of advantages

than me.

That's what you must get if you choose to alter the enitre course of your history

and move to a strange state

under the pleading hope of falling in love

having a lasting future

with someone you met over the internet.

I have faked both cancer and pregnancy to gain more attention to my woeful tale

and when called out, denied every word.

Maybe somebody,

somewhere,

will see that I am just a normal woman,

who never had the will to stand

without someone pulling on the cushions underneath me

telling me to get off their couch.

I wish I could say I was just like you,

but I'm not.

I'm more special.

And I'll prove it to you.

If you'll just take the time to hear me talk

for just a few more minutes.

Author's Note

Poem is written from her perspective.

Reviews

[Legion]

An interesting perspective at that. I have an aunt that I am now taking care of that is much the same way. Life has been hard to her and for her. Some of it she has done to herself and some done to her. You've brought to life a very sad and lonely drifter. A very good read if not a melancholy one. Kudos.