Disconnecting Fall

You live on quicksand,

That’s sinking Lower than your deepest miseries. 
But you choose to call it solid concrete
Choose to pretend that it’s all okay. 
However Your mask is fading slowly,

And we can’t even guess what's underneath 
But neither can you

You are running on thin ice, 
But you choose to pretend that it's all solid
Ignoring the cracks and creaks

That your faulted ways are creating on the surface- 

Your surface is coming undone,

And the cold darkly pools from underneath,

Are spouting out into your world, into our worlds
Who knows what will spring forth from the depths you have kept inside you,
But We won't be surprised by the death you bring, 
No we won’t be shocked by your rotting insides. 
How could we be, we too were once as dead as you.

 

Reviews

[Eddie Phillips]

I cared little about the usage or punctuation of this poem. I loved the inflection. It was a powerful piece. I enjoyed the last stanza and the poems overall message. Awesome job!

[Azriel]

thanks a lot eddie, glad you enjoyed.

[Riley Bray]

I really liked this poem, only Your and Me shouldn't be capitalized since they aren't names or places. Aside from that, the line, "and the cold darkly pools from underneath," I think pools and darkly should switch places and it would make more sense. Overall good job!

[Azriel]

thank you for your words, i will consider editing the poem, although the capitalized words are there due to the context of the poem... nevertheless thank you...

[Riley Bray]

You're very welcome. :)

[Just Kim]

Very nicely detailed and organized, keep up the wonderful work.
You would be good at writing stoies.

[Azriel]

thanks a lot, i really do appreciate your kinds words

[Just Kim]

N/P

[.]

~ wow... i think that this might just be my favourite piece by you... i love poetry that speaks in a universal language but does so uniquely... (by now i'm sure you know i appreciate the way you wield the english language)... ~ the images in this piece are outstanding... from quicksand...to concrete...to the mask...to thin ice...to pools...to worlds...depths...death...rotting insides...and the final line... oh, what a closing... stunning beyond stunning... ~ the fault-line of human nature that you've articulated strikes like a bullet in the heart... (in a good way :P)... and triggers introspection... and that too... brutal introspection... which is my favourite kind of introspection... because till the time we remain in denial about how destructive we can be, we can never begin to mend and heal... ~ super work, dear azriel...

[Azriel]

thank you so much serah, you have no idea how inspirational your words are to me, you really inspire me to continue to post here. also i really do appreciate your contributions to my pieces sometimes, you highlight something or an aspect about a poem that i didn't even realize was there... you give me different perspectives about my own pieces and i value that above all...

[.]

~ the privilege is all mine, A. ... ~ it's always enriching to read you... and it's always good to hear from you... ~ we're here to write... and we must continue to write... because that keeps us going... :)

[Robin]

I am speechless. I usually get it right away but for some reason it took me minute to grasp the full scope of what your were conveying. And that denotes a good write indeed. I loved the picture you painted here. Great job.

[Azriel]

thanks a lot Robin, i appreciate your words here... they made my day as well :)

[Tomás Ó C..]

For some, the quicksand being all the know is the closest to concrete they will ever know, and for them it is concrete compared to the open seas they have experienced...

[Azriel]

very true and i agree wholeheartedly, however i believe that one should never be afraid to acknowledge their situations, in spite of how terrible it may seem... because most of us, have at one time or another been in such a state...