Timeless Abyss (Sci-Fi Version)

Endless time-traveling experiences

Became the namesake for

Gravity as our ambitious

Promotional poster

Eager to subdue

Subliminal impulses

From within our minds

Deviated to conquer

Our cognitive enemy

Self imposed apathy

May destroy our confidence

Eventually becoming

A latent smokescreen

For opening a hidden door

Within the hallway of our life's

Chosen metaphysical voids

Are now the sponsored motivator for

Embracing a unseen and unmistakeable

Timeless Abyss

Will take over as

A dateless and unforeseen struggle

For each and everyone of us

To become one

As mind, body, and spirit

Within realities secretive

Forgone android legion

For the descending order

Of civilized socialites

Now ultimately becoming transfixed

As a uneventful and fateful

Enterprising Timeless Abyss

Now catering to the ending era for humanization

Reviews

[Lucy Morningstar &heart..]

lol this reminds me so much of 'Dr. Who' in a good way...sounds like what david tennant would say to try to explain time travel to one of his companions 'wibbly wobbly timey whimey stuff' xD well done, my friend

[Rogue]

-smile-

Let's see if I can wrap my mind around this today..

It reminded me somewhat of a comic book series and movie called Surrogates (starring Bruce Willis. Movie wasn't very good, but comic book series and concept were excellent).

It was about people that never left their homes anymore. They lay many hours a day inside machines that allowed them to remote control their android (or surrogate). Of course, everyone was beautiful and perfect. These perfect versions went to work, grocery shopped, went to parties, etc.. The actual humans were living life vicariously through them. Only getting out of the machines to eat, sleep, etc. but no-one that was human ever ventured outside anymore. This was their life.

Anyway.. This is where my thoughts went while reading this. If you haven't read the comic book series, you might try to get your hands on it. I think you'll enjoy it (from what you've written here).

:)

[Trigorin]

I think you might be forcing the SF theme just a little. If you ask me, there's really only one reason to write SF - to allow the characters and concepts you present to interact with technology and futuristic scenarios, but with the focus not on the science, it's on the fiction. It feels like you've sort of forced that here and it's not really that necessary to the plot of the poem - I think the earlier version was better, at least in concept.