Quicksand

I
I am
I am quicksand
in the sudden fall to an unknown
depth.

I
I am
I am painted glass
found in holy halls in transparent hues of pastel pinks

and opaque blues

You
You are
You are but the bottom,
the bottom of the quick-sand pit, drowning out all sense

of self

I was aware of you
but still, I let myself sink.

You were aware of me
but still you cast your stones to test these glass walls

I find myself sunk in darkness
and cracked from stone

You
You are
You are unscathed
by the stones you throw,
by the glass that cracks

I
am not.

Reviews

[.]

An interesting style. Use of 'stammering' repetition adds a level of melancholy to the words and theme of the poem.

Anyone who has been struck by the thrown stones or the forked tongue of a lover should be able to relate to this one. For the words and stones rarely bounce off harmlessly.

A nice write in a unique form of expression.

[Gianna Anaya]

I won't lie and say it didn't take me a minute to get used to the occasional repetition but once I got used to the flow of the piece I think the repetition was a very effective way to convey the loss and lack of being that the character is expressing.

Great work.

[LKBillips]

I like the structure of this poem. It's like a rhythm on a drum forcing you to follow the beat. Damn quicksand.

[Papaya]

I found especially the line about stones just to test the glass was meaningful, relate-able.
I know people like that, who test your limits just to see how far they can push before they break you.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Wow powerful poem , intense and strong how u express and convey so poetically. It seems the hurting one doesn't get hurt, how sad. Kudos fir the poetry.

I'm quite a newbie here, Pleez do write your thoughts, comment under mine newest poem too.