loss ...

life ebbs away .. the pain remains ..

Strange, there are so many ways to die in this world!
A clammy wetness spurting out of me, is still vivid.
Terror drying my mouth, I desperately clamp my legs together
as if by doing so I could prevent the loss!

Before, I felt a jasmine tree blossoming out of my naval,
reaching my veins and appendages and inside my heart,
loving my mind and caressing my soul
its leaf and flower drinking the love in me

In my mind's eye I see a tiny figure, innocent, ivory
and when he looks up to my face
I know those eyes, mouth, smile, all mine
A life so bright and happy
among all the other deaths of mine.

Later, in that morbid hospital room
I tried to hold onto him urgently
I beg him not to leave me and
I see his eyes begging me too.
He wanted to stay too,
trying to hug desperately to that slippery silk wall
that was already hissing like an annoyed serpent,
convulsing and rejecting.

The mother water that swayed him
now rushed him down the alley
synonymous with death.
And he looked back
his eyes hurt with betrayal!
I heard that spine raking scream;
like a shrill metallic scrape, his or mine?

He must have tasted death,
the amniotic fluid in his mouth
And my mouth felt the same, taste of my failure.
Among those mechanical hands of the nurse
and the professional look of the doctor!

There are so many ways to die in this world
I die all over again, death,
most grotesque and full of blood this time.
Now it is funny when they call me beautiful, because
When I look into the mirror,
failure as ugly as sin that stares back!

Reviews

[ANGEL.X]

wow this is a powerful poem and great read. its sad and has alot of depth. it provides a detailed insight of how a mother may feel when she has a miscarriage or has a stil birth. i agree with selene and think that second stanza is the best. the last line is also really effective.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

you pulled me through into your world~ I remember mine through yours~
even though there is the pain and the loss~ the grace and eloquence of your descriptives are as effective as the poignant agony replete in the poetic movement~

and this . . . . this

Before, I felt a jasmine tree blossoming out of my naval,
reaching my veins and appendages and inside my heart,
loving my mind and caressing my soul
its leaf and flower drinking the love in me

I have never encountered a more beautiful and loving description of the connection betwwen mother and the child in womb~
breathtaking~

[Dream Weaver]

Wow this is a sadly powerful write,
Touching on such a topic, a new life
then death and what remains.