Romeo & Juliet Revisited

R o m e o  &  J u l i e t

Revisited

 

PROLOGUE

NARRATOR

Thank you gentle people

For "gentle" must you be

To hand a stranger

your hard earned gold, our simple act to see.

 

We will make no hash of it

(though some of you may stew)

And apologies at prologue are not meet, nor meat,

So if it please you, view

The few minutes trespass

We dare but here to stage

Presently shall we heart'ly know

your “bravos”  ...or your rage.

 

The story should you know now well

Of loves labors gone awry

And, though it played so perfectly,

No star-crossed lovers die...

No?  No?

 

Let us set the scene again

When peace was newly made.

When Romeo and his Juliet

in silent grave were laid...

SCENE I (A TOMB BELONGING TO THE CAPULETS)

MONTAGUE

Good my brother Capulet,

Will you hold this poor hand?

In that clasp is guarantee

Your faithful daughter yet shall stand

In solid gold, for all to see,

Our lasting peace to band!

 

 

CAPULET

And Romeo, laid by her side,

Shall of no less be made...

For though we two fools have been

So by our hate betrayed -

These hapless children

have all but love

excised with b*****d blade!

 

PRINCE

A glooming peace this morning brings;

The sun, for sorrow, will not show not show his head.

Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;

Some shall be pardoned, and some punished.

For never was a story of more woe

Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

Exeunt Living

JULIET

O happy, happy dagger!

 

 

ROMEO

(laughs) Happy dagger indeed!

How could you, such a jest

Upon your death's bed make?

 

I thought from holding laughter back

They'd see me smirk or shake

And belie the poison - which if one too much did take

Would make one merely belch and stagger.

More to the point (and this be the point)

Stagy, stagy dagger.

 

JULIET

Mock it not my one true love

For 'tis this small and tricky blade

That finally a life has cut from fabric

Which once only long swords of death could penetrate

 

ROMEO

Mock!

Shall I never more to it!

This princely play blade

and this my valiant poison's vial

Shall stand up ever on a Mantuan's hearth mantle        

As testament to two who could pry life from death

And force peace upon combatants simply by dying.

 

JULIET

A Mantuan?

But why?

What Mantuan is so endeared to you that

Symbols of our holy love

should grace some strangers foreign fireplace?

 

 

 

ROMEO

No stranger than our own strange ways

No unknown firebox but the one to warm our feet

For though this monuments' floor holds plays

'Tis house for happy hearts un-meet;

Thus, off we are to Mantua.

For Mantuans are we

And there shall we our fresh lives live ever after happily.

 

JULIET

Mantua?!  Mantua.

Oh my lord say no.

A country maid is not a life that I would trade mine for...

 

 

ROMEO

But here, my eastern light,

The peace we've made would fail

And there is no place in Verona

For your Romeo save jail.

 

So to lands of landed farmer fops

and c***s up every tree

Up at dawn and sundown sleep.

It’s the country life for we.

 

 

JULIET

In Verona would I rather stay

Methinks I have some allergy to hay;

I just adore my chamber's view

Darling, I love you but I cannot bear manure.

 

 

ROMEO

Fresh air!

 

 

JULIET

The square!

 

 

ROMEO

Big trees!

 

 

JULIET

Oh please!

 

 

ROMEO

You are my wife!

 

 

JULIET

Good-bye former life!

 

 

BOTH

For Mantuans are we!!!

 

Exeunt

 

 

SCENE II (A  IN MONTAGUE'S GARDEN)

MONTAGUE

Must I but say it plain -

While I in solid gold make stand He leaves our Romeo slain.

 

 

LADY MONTAGUE

But fair my Lord

Our gentle son is slain

And such a figure of him is cut

Makes proud and sorrowed mother glad to see.

I beg you let our Romeo recline in gold on stone.

Let us endure a narrow slight that lets hard won truce be.

 

MONTAGUE

Woman, you have no sense of it, let me draw it straight

If such is girl on marble stand and her weight

one hundred stone

Then boy in state upon the stand

Need be “surface carved” alone

And eighty stones his weight

Thus can brother Capulet steal poor dead son's gold

While saving on the sculpting too -

The more his purse to hold.

 

LADY MONTAGUE

What villains are these Capulets?

How can such hard hearts beat?

But I will not let come to blows

this hard heart villains cheat.

 

 

MONTAGUE

Faith dear wife, I have a plan to make it right.

Now we the benefactors be - for we received the slight

In secret shall I the ‘Juliet’ cast around a hollowed core.

And to make it all weigh right, inside base lead I'll pour -

So that we the richer shall be and thus set things aright.

 

 

SCENE III (A ROOM IN CAPULET'S HOUSE)

CAPULET

Tell me Gregory of Capulet house for what my ransom paid.

You are freshly out of jail - where we the law's hand stayed.

Now that you the spying do - give news that's Montague made.

 

GREGORY

Master, you know I was put under lock

for naught but a taste of thumb -

which did Samson that for honor's sake

And if all were aright strike dumb this Gregory

Who draws blade only as he draws breath -

but only to continue his poor life;

But all is not right master and more's the grief to say

Under shade of night -

these eyes saw men of Montague vein

Freight out a heavy laden box

to forge with mighty strain.

 

CAPULET

But this is well - for gold is this to build our Juliet

The heavier the box they bring...

The more beauty to beget!

 

GREGORY

If it's gold then must I hie myself on back to jail.

I am not a slackard, sir! And will prove worth my bail.

When the men had off again, I with lock-pick in -

Cast about the forging room to test what was brought in.

Alchemy were better fit

to make gold markers of these dead.

For nothing was in the box but eighty weight of lead!

 

 

CAPULET

Damn the line of Montague every man-jack of their stain!

There shall be no statue but one that's cut in twain!

Black-Out

SCENE IV (A PUBLIC PLACE)

PRINCE

Say, Friar Laurence, you knew those young hearts well?

 

 

FRIAR

I think I knew as much of them as any did - perhaps a little more.

But "know" them?  I did not at all.

 

 

PRINCE

Still, gentle cleric,

There must be some way from these dead children        

To betray the building storm between those parents

Who race to prove themselves thricely idiots.

 

 

FRIAR

Death is never much to wage a peace against.

 

 

Would that lady Capulet and the dame Montague

Carried children both inside - that would wonders do!

For women, when pregnant, are consumed all through

And men, when their women bear,

lose the stone of which they’re made and go all jelly too.

 

 

PRINCE

Friar - you have lived too long alone

or faith clouds your biology but, to couch it lightly...

The “peaches” those old “prunes” bear        

 

Shall ne'er again be “plums” -

all the fruit that they might bear

was plucked ere I were crowned -

and that which men might make beyond their vows...

had quite another effect.

 

 

FRIAR

Perhaps we look wrongly to the tree?

 

 

PRINCE

From whence else might the good or bad seed spring?

 

FRIAR

Seeds have we need of none.

The field may long since harvested be.  Attend.

I go today to Mantua to collect up what I may

Of what doomed Romeo took with him on his exile day.

Perchance in that sad burden some scrap of hope doth lay.

 

PRINCE

I will further burden thee:

I bid thee go in haste to Mantua

and bring those scraps to me.

Together may we find a thing to patch peace permanently.

Stay not for another word fly Friar for me.

 

FRIAR

I go.

 

CAPULET

(Entering as Friar exits opposite)

My liege, I will no Longer stay my hand if these vile

“Monkey yews” are left to...

Fade-Out

SCENE V (A ROOM IN ROMEO & JULIET'S HOUSE )

ROMEO

Passing only four and ninety days methinks

I could now return to the tomb,

in which I once did dead lay, satisfied.

What more for might a good man ask?

My most beautiful and sacred bride...

Who when fresh from noble Verona

Could but burn water well,

Has hurled herself against our kitchen's task

And as often as this attempt ends

in death for those who the trials try

I was never fed so much nor well.

I am not thankful for my daily bread alone

But that my wife and I - both once had "known"

Those labors of the field or home

Were better left for underlings, hirelings and drones -

Have learned to share the work we now must self bear.

Finding pride endeavoring what once we would not dare

And have the happy closer come in all but one affair...

She will home.

No argument can man give to hold his wife from mother!

I will not say this is a fault.

Assured I am the love shared there is

wholesome, good and natural -

Save my Juliet and I should in a Verona vault lie.

But that does make all the difference.

 

 

JULIET

Romeo, Romeo?         Where for art thou husband?

 

 

(Entering, with a purpose)

The midday table being cleared - have no appointments we

And with six weeks 'til harvesting

yet “a-ploughing” there shall be!

I do but keep a pace my lord, wilt thou not "pace" with me?

 

 

ROMEO

Pace with you will I not - out run you probably!         (They chase, embrace & fall)

 

 

FRIAR

Ho!  The house!  What noise is that?  Who's in!

 

 

JULIET

(Exiting)  Fie on the fool who doth my lovespell break!

 

 

ROMEO

(Dressing)  A pox upon the prissy man who deemed tights fit for men!

 

 

FRIAR

What ho!

Mantua house of Montague!

Who stirs in rooms which should remain unmixed?

 

 

ROMEO

Two to whom this old house was sold

Arriving fresh from Greece -

If you who shout without must need be told:

One Thisbe from the city Thebes

And I, her husband, Pyramus.

 

 

FRIAR

I am afraid you are taken in!

This land will not be sold until I to Verona turn

With what was Romeo's.

Will you not the door unlock to one Franciscan Friar.

Together I will show, good greeks, your realtor was a liar.

 

 

JULIET

(Entering)  A chance of news from Verona fair?

Dear husband bid him in

I'm starved for news from that fair state

Sweet husband bid him in.

 

 

ROMEO

Calm wife!  We will not have all known.

 

Friar, fair have we been done by your order fair

Welcome Franciscan to our home

What little we have - we share

Press but boldly on the door and come,

there's no lock there!

 

 

FRIAR

Thank you kindly Pyramus,

(Entering)  Laurence, Friar am I

And must confess thy wife and thee

Have names which fit comfortable in my ear

As if I had them somewhere heard in some previous year.

Come sir, let me have thy hand...

Ahlk! (faints cold)

 

JULIET

Good my groom is our Friar Laurence dead.

 

 

ROMEO

(Soothing Friar)  Dead?  No, but shaved we have

A decade from his wait to meet his maker.

Larry!  Laurence!  Father wise!

Doth my confessor live yet inside this extra large shell?

 

 

FRIAR

My eyes do live but share stare with two who cannot.

 

 

ROMEO

 

Trust thy view for we live 'tis true, Death could keep us not!

 

FRIAR

(Rising)  But how? 

For I did find thee dead of liquor drunk in haste

And thy tender breast was hewn -

how doth one this erase?

 

 

ROMEO

Chide us not please father friend.

Our plan was set that night before I came here to Mantua.

Knowing we must both seem dead to let our life renew.

Parents, friends, friars misled - all this did we do

 

Unknowing of ‘your’ plan ‘our’ plan I followed through.

Upon the ‘death’ of Juliet my best acting did I do.

No query on any part unravel could our shrew -

 

 

FRIAR

Stop!  Tell no more of it - my head is spinning 'round.

If one drop more in flood is made I am afraid I'm drown'd.

 

 

JULIET

Husband has he not enough of shocks for one fair day?

Nothing more of past shall pass,

let us have some present say

Of times and tides in Verona fair...

What chance since we away?

 

 

FRIAR

The word that drives your families' deeds is ever as it was.

There heads are thick with besting that which the other does.

 

ROMEO

How now?

They wear the peace we wove!

And unless my ears misled me - as we were misleading you -

A statue to my love and I should bind those families true.

 

 

FRIAR

Aye, that's the rub that wears your wove peace thin.

For the brittle, picky bickering will do that garment in!

But by my troth, when's known you live will end all bickering -

which holds the threadbare peace in place -

then steel will out and sting!

 

 

JULIET

Give ear my men for now's the time

when women's hearts prevail

For hatching in me is the way

to save our truce so frail.

 

 

What chance have we to enter in your Verona cell my Friar?

 

FRIAR

If by night - then simple task, but why my cell require?

 

 

JULIET

Here is the kernel in my mind -

My mother doth much of spirits believe -

Thus if you can contract

Bid Lady Capulet - upon our return -

In your cell her dead daughter to contact.

Then I in ghostly white array appear to her in fact

To bid my mother hold her hand

and keep the peace intact.

 

 

ROMEO

(Aside)  I am the world's most luckiest man.

My life knows naught but joy.

If ever one lived in fortune’s eye

It is I

My wife is clever, beautiful, bold, wise and true.

Fate smiled its broadest smile yet

the day I said "I do."

Black-Out

SCENE VI (A PUBLIC PLACE )

BENVOLIO

You know me well, sovereign mine,

as kind and fair of mind...

But  blood will flow unless we show

some answer to the blow - each side would be behind.

 

 

PRINCE

Well said Benvolio and I will take it in

You must know the offenses rankle even regal skin.

 

 

BENVOLIO

I know it benefits none well these fits and fights of fools

Most unmeet dead lovers sweet

should be such asses tools

But how do we undo?

 

 

PRINCE

We’ll puzzle it without you friend

for the grousing has me bored

Until the time I find the clue

See that you keep up your sword.

 

 

BENVOLIO

Friar Laurence, bless me do,

what brings our holy man to view?

 

FRIAR

(Entering with two hooded monks)

Benvolio!

(Almost fainting)

O!  O!

What shocks are these that like to shake poor friar's pants?

I have lived two score years in two days!

 

BENVOLIO

Father confessor confess me plain -

what makes thy stain all ghostly go?

 

FRIAR

Benedicte!  Volio me plain I cannot make,

Alone me leave with Escalus: Prince

My counsel for he to take.

 

BENVOLIO

Eh?

 

PRINCE

Ben, the Friar wants you gone

for private words with me.

 

BENVOLIO

Then am I a memory and

that I might some service be

I'll take the novices with me.

Come cousins we shall the courtyard see.

Uncover friends and greeted be!

 

FRIAR

No! O! Benvolio! Go!

These two must no one see!

 

BENVOLIO

A pimple on me for a clumsy lout... I'm out

And so close I was to staying too... Ah well, adieu.

Exits

FRIAR

If my heart does not today give out, I shall live eternal.

 

PRINCE

I always thought we would -

but trembling Friar good

What bring you me from dead boy's bed in Mantua.

 

FRIAR

Naught good prince but married dead

and merry may they be.

(crosses self)

Prince, I bear a plan on Lady Capulet to fool the enmity

That both tribes do yet bear may it please please thee:

To show Juliet stirs undead unless the peace kept be

And for the role of Juliet have I the actress perfectly.

 

 

PRINCE

O simple Friar!

What actress might you find who will not be found out?

Or else mother tricked would have the actress ever about!

If she promise all be well for each brief visitation -

To keep belovéd offspring near -

She'd war and peace the nation

Alternating points of view in perpetual rotation -

Dead daughter more to see.

 

Damnation those two hearts are out!

 

 

FRIAR

Ah hah.

That makes what’s further to be said

Quite the bumble be.

 

Prince Escalus, what would our governing sovereign say

If, hypothetical, cure be found,

So that both those well rememberéd hearts

Could yet be made to pound...

Would such return be welcome or nay?

 

 

PRINCE

Puzzle me not in the dusk or dawn

and less at night or day

If conjecture's all that's left to talk -

there's nothing more to say.

 

FRIAR

No...  If, good counselor, in my travels few

I had found... a... rare...  seed

Which once planted could

make unwelcomed deaths un-done

Would those who were magically recalled

your honored self condone?

 

 

PRINCE

Ask me if this willow monk

and that the willow's mate

Became Juliet and Romeo how could law set their fate?

 

The worst punishment for any pair:

to but have no other mate;

To live together 'til they die; suffer children, age and plate -

And when they whimper 'bout this curse

get nothing but the gate.

 

 

FRIAR

Stern your sentencing, my lord, and altogether true

For when I marry such and such

that's how I curse them too!

 

(Thinking)

My liege, the seed is of the Tanna tree

which calls the dead to life

One seed is left in all this world and magical is it's price:

As long as the plant grows undisturbed

those buried underneath

Shall live again and walk this world - but their recall,

I beseech, My lord, is not lightly undertaken

For the plant is a sensitive and if its root is shaken

All who caused the planting will wither and be taken.

 

 

PRINCE

Fancy's a poor partner Friar.

I'll not be married to it.

 

 

FRIAR

Then merry will we never be -

your doubting would undo it!

Exiting

PRINCE

Wait Friar!

You grow most mysterious since your country jaunt

But if I take this “Tanna” tale - put it to the test

And, as I hope you're serious,

what must your prince invest?

 

 

FRIAR

Every single thing, my lord,

Every knife, every foul humour,

Every trace of emnity.

Every disfavored rumor!

 

PRINCE

High price for this touchy plant!

Make ready father, make way

I have prayed, you know, for such a price -

And give my word for this device all in Verona will pay!

 

 

FRIAR

(Aside)  Faith don't fail me now.

(To Prince)  Faith won't fail thee now.

I shall bear the lover's to your courtyard

 

And bring the sacred seed.

Before the rite can right be made

We must complete this deed:

Every weapon, township and town,

Must be gathered up in haste

And those wasting implements

Must be themselves laid waste

Every sword melted down - blood never again to taste!

 

 

PRINCE

By God I will make it so!

Go thou and prepare

Two days hence we shall know,

If we are fools or fair.

Let the regal decree be made:

Every weapon will be surrendered to the forge -

On pain of in a grave be laid - if any this deny!

Exeunt

SCENE VII (A  STREET IN VERONA)

GREGORY

No, I'll have no bit of it.

 

 

BENVOLIO

The choice for ready us already being made

When I detect; collect them up, I don't stop to persuade.

 

 

GREGORY

You, once when spring was new,

bid me put up my hand

Now command me yet again,

how much must I withstand?

You bear no sword, so I'll just ignore,

let the snarling poodle roar!

You'll get my sword only when you pry it from my cold dead hand!

 

PRINCE

(Stepping up from shadows)

Benvolio, I told you my decree

Would bring good sense to every man

So let good Gregory be!

 

I gave my word each and every sword

would go into the forge

This Capulet man would keep hold of his,

and we will not his right ignore!

 

But still, I made an oath and will not be thought a liar...

What shall we do Benvolio?

Ah!  I the good solution know:

Put man holding sword in fire.

Exits

 

BENVOLIO

Well?

That thou heard is royal word -

I'll be back with his men.

Exits

 

GREGORY

Wait a tick, Ben.

Twas but a jest. He would not...

You can have my sword... Ben!

Exits

SCENE VIII (THE PRINCE'S COURTYARD)

PRINCE

I've had the weapons gathered up

and melted down in fire

Just one thing I ask of you:

Don't make me a fool Friar!

 

FRIAR

When the day's been written down it will be worth read.

Tush, they come.

 

CAPULET

(Entering w/ Lady Capulet & Gregory)

I've had a hundred swords undone this day

Wilt thou still unbind that tiny shard of sanity

I once could call my mind.

 

LADY CAPULET

You'll keep a proper mind for this matter kind

Or I'll take what's left away!

 

 

FRIAR

Tut!  Lady Capulet that is not the way.

 

 

LADY CAPULET

Forgive me, Father and husband too.

I will nothing further say.

 

Smile my lord.

 

MONTAGUE

(Enters w/ Lady Montague & Benvolio)

For my one and only son I'd anything endure;

Hurry wife, all others here, we are ready to conjure.

 

LADY MONTAGUE

Delay not!  I'm here.

Please you begin Laurence Friar.

 

FRIAR

It does, good lady, please me more than you will know.

 

Two mounds of earth stand us before

'neath lay lovers dead

I, from case, one seed deploy -

to plant here at their head

And watering I wait awhile, until this last be said:

We pray -

 

Lord in heaven may that which I now do

Keep it's power ever secretly the more thy will to do

And forgive this pagan I ask that you embue.

We know the children will return -

and for this we promise you:

No violence in Verona, never once untrue

Or take the returned lover's back

and strike us all dead too.

Thus shall it be.  Amen.

 

ALL

Thus shall it be.  Amen. 

 

LADY CAPULET

(After a long pause)  How now?

 

 

FRIAR

We will stand still yet a while 'til the water's taken in...

Then the earth shall open and give us your children.

 

 

CAPULET

Does no one here feel... well... undressed?

Am I the only one?

Who sees his empty scabbard -

And thinks a prank's been done?

 

 

MONTAGUE

I know how naked you must feel

since your mischief is undone -

But we can stand a moment more

if you can hold your tongue.

 

 

CAPULET

I'll hold your tongue you monkey faced...

 

 

FRIAR

Tut!  Gentle men - will you end this before it has begun?

 

CAPULET

Alright, I'll bite, what do we do- what's said?

Dig the corpses up again - convince 'em they're not dead?

Or - perhaps they'll come awandering

from there recent churchyard grave

Where for four months they have laid, satisfied...

 

 

GREGORY

Pardon my lord, some two comes from churchyard there

They come from monument Capulet

and one doth red flowers bear

No, methink's red is stain upon the dress she wears

Oh, my lord it's...!

 

PRINCE

Juliet!

(all kneel save Prince & Friar).

 

 

CAPULET

Praise God!

(Ben & Lady Capulet nearly faint)

MONTAGUE

And here's my sweet son Romeo,

Ho Boy!  Well Met!

(All meet & greet R & J )

 

 

FRIAR

Well, my prince, was I wrong or will someone someday

Write down this wrong made right profitably?

 

 

PRINCE

That's for them to decide (Indicates audience)

 

 

NARRATOR

Well there you have what did transpire.

Now are your hearts full won?

No?

Perchance I know some further fact

You might would further know:

The undisturbéd tree did thrive and peace

which was forced here

Lasted long after the death of all

who did this night appear

And that is no cheap feat!

 

Odd to tell;  After the Friar, Juliet and Romeo died

the "Tanna tree" bore orange fuzzy globes

The fruit eventually some one tried

It looked, and tasted, like nothing so much as a peach -

But as you and I have well found out

It was truly quite a plum!

Fade Out

Author's Note

I know there are some messy bits...

Reviews

[FuMiko]

I love it!
Absolutely wonderful, it's too bad that I haven't even had the chance to finish it yet! If I get the chance, I will definitely revise my review to fit it more for when I do finally finish it.
But so far, it's amazing.

Kudos!

[Barry!]

Michael... you are the best reader anyone could wish for!

[Michael X]

wow, this is amazingly thought out barry, i'm going to read this in a couple sessions,
and revise my review when i complete the reading, the opening carries a classic
olde english and stage performance quality, i like this cant wait to see where it goes.