Deported

Just a short story for a school project. Need some feedback so I can improve the story.

Karen Menke, a German girl hiding in Soviet Russia, was awoken by the sound of machinery and yelling. She got up in shock, fearing the Nazi’s had taken one final shot at Allied Forces. However, when she glanced outside, she noticed a large tank and soldiers, unlike any Nazi she had seen before. That was when she noticed the large sickle and hammer crossing each other, painted on the side of the tank. These soldiers weren’t German. They were Russian! Small clusters of Germans stood in fear as they got rounded up into Soviet trucks. A soldier looked at the abandoned house and noticed the small head and wide eyes sticking up above a windowsill. He called out, and a group of soldiers ran towards the house. Karen screamed, waking up Max and Dominic. The boys jumped up after being woken up to the door of the house being bashed in. The soldiers jumped on Karen and Max Menke. Dominic Wimpffen dodged his soldiers and made a quick dash for the door. However, one of the soldiers grabbed his ankle. Dominic yelled as he fell to the ground. The trio was tied up and escorted out of the building into the truck, hustled in with a hundred and fifty other German people. The door slammed shut, sending the group into total darkness.

 

After a few hours, the truck stopped. The doors opened to reveal a courtyard of a large camp, similar to a Nazi Concentration Camp. The group got escorted out of the truck and split into two groups, boys and girls. Girls were sent to the left wing and boys to the right. Karen joined a group of girls her age and discovered that there was one bed per three girls. A tight fit, but livable.

 

Not long after their arrival, Dominic and Max got put into forced labour. Dominic was given an axe and a large pile of wood to chop. Max got placed into a small in-camp bullet factory. Karen was given farm duty. After a few days, Karen saw Max fall to his knees, crying from overworking himself. A soldier yelled at him, but Dominic was shaking his head. The soldier pulled out a whip and beat Dominic. Karen stared in shock as Dominic was whipped again and again. He fell to the ground and stopped moving. A small team of soldiers moved in with a stretcher, and Karen saw Dominic get moved into a small building with a chimney, pouring smoke out of it. Karen knew Dominic had died.

 

After weeks of labour, Karen and Max and half the camp were rounded up and followed Soviet soldiers to a train station a just out of the camp. The cattle trains were empty, and soon got loaded with Germans to be deported back to Germany. The trains filled up, and before long, the doors closed, and the train left. However, Karen and Max were not on the train. Instead, the soldiers yelled at the remaining group of about a hundred Germans left. The Soviets pointed to the train and yelled something in Russian. A soldier translated it into German: “Walk”. A man ran towards them in anger and was shot by several soldiers. He fell to the ground, and a puddle of red formed around him. Not wanting the same fate, the rest of the Germans began to follow the tracks.

 

After a week of walking, harvesting water from snow and food from frozen bushes, nuts and tree bark, the group had reduced to about 60 people. The rest had passed away. The next man to fall was Max. Max was hugging Karen, keeping her warm, when suddenly, he lost his grip on her, falling to the group. Karen yelled and the group stopped to look. Max was wheezing on the ground, and Karen hugs him, crying, trying to keep him alive. Max reaches into his pocket and pulls out a necklace with a key. He gives the key to Karen, who puts it around her neck. “You…will…not…die…” he wheezed, with obvious exhaustion. “You...will…make…it…back…” he rasped before he stopped breathing. A man grabbed Karen, saying they can’t stop moving, but Karen fought back, trying to stay with her dad. Another two grabbed her and began to drag her away from the freezing body. Tears flowed as she lost sight of her dad. 

 

The key was warm. Karen made the decision to not let her father down. She would make it back to Germany no matter what. They trudged through snow and ice for the next week. The group's population fell to about 20., Karen included. Despite the cold, Karen's key was still warm. Every time she thought of that necklace, her father’s last words appeared in her head: “You...will...make...it...”. Every time she thought of it, it gave her hope, a will to keep going. Soon, the border of Germany came into view, a large barbed wire fence stretching from one way to the other, disappearing into the white abyss.

 

The group was weak from hunger, but one by one they climbed the fence. A young boy, ten years old, was on the fence when his shoe lost grip on the icy wire. He fell straight down onto the sharp barbs. There was a tear, and he screamed. Falling forward, he landed on his back. The group noticed a large cut on his stomach, blood flowing and mixing with the snow. Blood stained the barbed wires, and pieces of flesh were stuck on the barbs. A woman yelled in shock, and ran over to him, and hugged the dead boy’s body. The group, not wanting to see this horrific sight, kept trudging into Germany. The woman clutched the body and soon was out of the sight of the group.

 

The snow began to fade away. After the snowstorm settled, a large building was visible in the distant valley. The group had dropped to eleven people. Once in sight, soldiers exited the building and jogged over. None of the group had the energy to run. But they quickly realised the soldiers were Allies. One of the soldiers spoke rough German and explained that this was a camp for refugees. The group made their way in for routine health checks. The key still warm, infused with her father's memory.

Author's Note

This is not in my preferred writing genre/style, so sorry if it doesn't seem, you know, my best, despite not having anything to compare it to. Can the reviewers please review the plotline, grammar and story suggestions. I have to keep it under 1050 words, so don't make it too complicated, which is why it may not be great. I had quite a bit of trouble keeping it under 1050.