My Eyes

Who wouldn't hate her in my shoes. Who wouldn't be envious. She treats people like worms, taking what she needs before tossing them away. She is hell bent on self destruction, taking all who care about her down as well. Her parents rally around her, trying to pick her up when she falls and stand by her wringing their hands whilst she face the reprocussions of her misdeeds. Has everyone forgotten my daughter? Was anyone following my court saga for years with such clenched fists and broken hearts? Is anyone trying to help me win back my child? Does anyone even ask how my now estranged daughter is doing or how the case is going? Yet I am expected to be supportive of HER. Of her WHAT ???? Of her preamble to her ultimate and eventual demise? Be supportive of yet another false attempt to "change"? Why would I? HOW could I? She begs me to keep her secrets of infidelity and betrayal, but has she ever kept my secrets? Did she not time and time again try to destroy my relationships? With boyfriends? With family? Has she not always tried to turn people against ME? Alas, the endless battle that twins must face- a constant war within ourselves to be the better and an outward war to prove the preceeding. I owe her NOTHING and struggle to find the desire to rally around her like all the blind and weaker minded. Is that what hate is? Do I hate my sister like my father suggested? Or are my wounds from her ceaseless backstabbings still too fresh to be ignored? I can't forget the wrongs she has wronged me. I can't forget the garage at Seans. I can't forget the Arthur situation. I can't forget the hotel room. I can't forget. I can't forget. I can't forget. Does this make me cruel or just incapable of moving on? Am I supposed to forgive someone who has caused me so much hurt and ruined so many things for me? One would think it is SHE who hates ME. But I know better. She is a little girl in a Sunday school dress dancing past friends with scissors, slicing them open as she goes, never looking back-what she has done, never again crossing her mind. I just can't find it in me to allow her back into my heart. Nor can I forgive my family for their ignorance and abandonment. I am an island in a vast sea of nothing. No one can see her through clear eyes. MY eyes.