Journey to Learning my Self Worth

A poem I wrote depicting some of the struggles I have gone through with learning how to love myself, and how I still am on that path but going strong :)

I don’t know what to write

My voice feels as though it is tugging to be heard

To speak my voice

But I am only one person, who hasn’t learned her worth

 

I wasn’t told my thoughts were important

To the point where I was drowning in my own lack of self worth

 

A rock of anxiety is pushed down

Suffocating my body

Because I don’t feel worth it

Growing thinner to fit into a mold

That once I am perfect

Then I will be able to speak.

But that never happens,

As I grow thinner that rock grows bigger

And when I gain; the rock grows bigger

Here to say that I am a failure.

 

I am a failure

To the mold of our society

But then I think, “so is everyone else”

 

As the truth tugs at my vocal cords

They start to loosen

Allowing my personal power to show through

To be seen

 

But my image is not of empowerment

It is meek and scared and hidden in the waves of everyday life

The drowning sense of my ego

Fights to rise above those waves

To be glistening by the light of the sun

 

But that light is petrifying  

The idea of being seen throws me back into those very waves

That wash over my personality

My sense of being

But my thoughts are of those of the sun and the moon

In which both male and female energy resides.

My soul is not a woman neither a man

I am a human being

 

With labels that create friction within my own psyche

But how does one grow

When anything one does is thrown into a basket of labels

Where a person is able to pick out any slip

And say this is who you are, because this is how I see you.

 

My inner battle is constantly fighting

Am I too loud, am I too quiet

Am I wearing too much make up or not enough?

Am I true to myself, or not at all?

How do I know when I am enough?

 

Where self-love is buried in the crevices of the mountains

Where the peeks mark societies acceptance

But nobody can live that high up

As you try

The lack of oxygen brings you down

Lungs collapsing into desperation

And soon the paleness of your skin dampens your inner light

 

Where we need to go is inward

To fall into those crevices

To see the beauty that resides within

All the scares and the melting tears from the mountaintops mix together

To find that hidden authenticity of our hearts

 

To find that inner light

That makes the cheeks grow rosy with passion and joy

 

Flowers grow from the dirt

Love grows from within

Through life’s twist and turns

The mountaintops will always be there

 

I just hope one day

I will be able to fly to those mountaintops

And be heard

With the sun glistening behind me

My cheeks rosy with self worth

 

The Love growing inside me

Allowing oxygen to flow through me

Filling up my crushed lungs

So I can capture some of that light

And help spread it through the crevices of the mountain range

So many more flowers can bloom

And find their own inner light

 

Where we can fly in unity

Of self acceptance

And love for all

So we can help each other grow

Instead of waiting for one another to fall

 

Lets help push each other up

Water each other with kindness from our hearts

So those tears from the mountaintops

Turn into tears of joy

Showering down on all the flowers that have yet to find their inner light

 

I don’t know what to write

My voice now grows bigger and brighter

Yet I’m still stuck in limbo

There is so much uncertainty in our lives

 

But as we help water each other

Spreading the tears of our vulnerabilities

I believe we will win this fight

Of showering our inner light

Of being that very sun

In which so many fear

Because we are all worth it