Girl in the boat

Under the overcast sky you peer into the misty atmosphere. An outside might say you are  looking, but searching for nothing, however that may not be true. A million places you could be, one place you should be, but here you sit in a small wooden rowboat, just barely rocking with the still murky waters below you. Your face is fully coated in powder, you’re wearing your grandmother’s beloved evening hat, you’re carrying your mother’s lucky fan, and you’re wearing your most expensive ball gown, but you can help feeling completely unattractive, unloved, unlucky, and cheap.  After an hour of sitting in this old boat, the back of your dress becomes coated with dirt, and the bottom hem of your dress pours over the side of the boat just barely grazing the water, and the flowers your arranged husband gave you lay mangled and worn across the seat in front of you. To most people this would be an outrage, just another thing to go crazy about, but you don’t mind.  Though your attendance was expected, you had no intentions of attending the ball anyways. The only soul close enough to comfort you is your small Pug and even he sits far enough back not to see the tears drop from your eyes.

                For moments at a time you dream of floating away with only your dog, deep into the swampy waters, and believing in something greater on the other side. You hope for a less shallow life, one with a family that cares, a man who you love and loves you the same, and one that is much less consumed with materialistic values. Some days you even think of packing all your belongings and your dreams and leaving this place for good, but then you wake up. You know you cannot. Against your will, you've signed up for the rest of your life in this structured town. You tell yourself what they've told you all along: You’re ungrateful, selfish, and young. So today you sit in your boat and stare off into this misty atmosphere that surrounds your boat and contrary to what others might think, you’re looking at absolutely nothing, but searching for a way out.