The 3rd Heaven and the Angels of it, commit a sin

A poem of how the humanic race, could have started

Flawlessly the clouds separate by the command

The voice breaks the sound like thunder

While angels fly in called on demand

And nobody has to wonder

 

Since the seasons are not working with the time

breaking the purpose of their existence

conscientiously committing a horrific crime

the 3^rd Angelic Order might start a resistance

 

by leaving the clockwork of the earth

gazing upon the women who were created by the light

giants emerge from their birth

a revolution is created by this new Clyde

 

In the heavens, all the Angelic beings sit

no rank, appearance or ability is noted

neither their way of thinking or obedience is split

as one loud voice they together quote,

 

“Our Lord, Our Creator,

we have not done such abominations

it is thy first Angel, the hater

who caused this beastly pollination”

 

The fear of the banished Sprite

once named Satanael

which means messenger of the light

staggers towards the heavenly Spirits making them wail

 

All Angels press together

Suddenly, The Creator began to shine

showing that they do not need to tether

since they are itself it’s design

 

“Why have thy listened to his word?” breaks the grand gleam

while the jury of the 6^th Angelic Order

try’s to even comprehend this grim scheme

 

The cherub's of the 3^rd placement

who were in charge of the Sun and Moon

followed this new being named Satan

moaned, since they seeded the pure bloodline's womb

 

“Our Lord, Our Creator, we are ashamed

we have neglected our heavenly service

for the relationship we thought we could sustain

is now showering us with curses”

 

They continue after a short time

their voices strongly claim

"It was Satan, thy evil angel,

who committed this horrific crime"

one of their same kind, they blame

 

The court grew silent listening to the accused Cherubs

then their main Source filled the room with brightness

the glow was sweet like honey syrup

reveling the one clouded in darkness

 

Silence over took the court

The being that chose cold over warmth

Rather than forging them both

Stood up and starts to loudly inform

 

“HALT! Thy word is true my Creator, my Lord,

Since I am still part of the Heavenly establishment

now of course thou has placed me much lower

I have not participated in their ravishment

neither am I their spiritual holder!”

 

Shocked and frightful of the believable wordsmith

the guardians of the heavens squirm in fear

as the being named Satan is not part of this service

seeing him as the lowest form of light, it’s commandeer

 

“My son”, calmly the essence flows,

“Thy were my first Being before dawn

and thy jealousy towards it arose

making thou a dual symbol of a fawn

 

My sons of the 3^rd Heaven

They are part of the radiance I shine

Only thou has the obsession

to go against the divine”

 

Suddenly the Darkness cried,

“Why do thy lord hate me?

I wanted to be thy hand, thou has let me die!

another brightness taking my key!”

 

“THOU HAS JEALOUSNESS IN THY HEART!”

Shrieks and yells echo as the Lord of All roars

“THY HAS PLACED THOU SELF IN THE DARK!”

The being accused falls to the floor

 

Quietly he listens while the fire touches softly,

“My son, thou were marvelous

before the creation of light thou were the perfect copy

Why do you create your own harmfulness?”

 

Full illumination occurred as the only accused left

voices started to rise reassuring what just happened

mostly still depressed

but soon they worked with the Angelic defendant

 

The court came to the conclusion

that the 3^rd order receives a handhold

so they don’t forget of their own contusion

now doing their heavenly job with a blindfold

 

Thus the sun and moon

do not travel in a perfect pattern

reminding us of a race now known

from the angels who slattern

Author's Note

Let me know what you think of this poem, and how it could be improved.

Reviews

[Gary West]

A very intriguing bit of work this. Reminds me of some of the poetry I read in the original Dragonlance Chronicles trilogy. Which is, by the way, a good thing. I very much enjoyed this. As for any constructive criticisms that I might add, I would suggest a bit more work with the "King's English" which you've employed. Then again, that particular form of speech (if you'll refer to a 1611 edition of the King James Bible) seems to be inconsistent in its own right. For example, I've found, in more than one verse, the same word being spelled two different ways. So I suppose there's no real need any changes in your poem. Either way, very well done, and very enjoyable. Thank you for posting this. :D

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you very much! I really appreciate the time you put into your review. I will have to read Dragonlance now, to see how I can improve or change my style of writing.
English is my second language, so I do need to check up here on there for grammar problems, but I am glad that it fits with the "King's English".
Thank you for reading!

[Gary West]

If you do read Dragonlance, I urge you to stay with the older novels, i.e., the Chronicles trilogly, and the War of the Twins trilogy. The later books seem to lose much of the quality of storytelling. The authors, by the way, are Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman.

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you very much! Now, my weekend will have meaning again haha!

[Alfred Kukitz]

I was glued to the story. Fantastic imagination! Leave it alone for awhile and come back to it. You might see where changes need to be made. Fundamentally it is sound.

[Black Star Adept]

I am glad you have enjoyed it! I will look back at it and will find changes later on. Thank you for the review!

[John Stussy]

Some punctuation would help to clarify your thoughts a bit into concise sentences. The apostrophe in cherubs, in the 9th stanza, is also unnecessary. In the 19th stanza, THY should be THOU.

There are a couple of other minor grammatical errors, but overall it's a pretty good poem. It is an interesting take on the creation of mankind as well, definitely a creative perspective.

[Black Star Adept]

Yes, I actually cannot see the grammatical error a lot of time, since english is my second language. I am glad to see how I can make this poem better.
Thank you for reading, will look it over again for grammatical flaws, and am glad you enjoyed it

[John Anderson]

This is like a breath of fresh air, so beautifully inked

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you very much, I am glad you feel this way about it

[Heromen Selena]

I love the old story that you rewrote here. My favorite part about it is that they have a council of angels to decide Satan's fate rather than just the Lord. Its different than what the rest of the tales say so I really liked it :) Initially I don't see anything that could be improved, but there's always room for improvement right? I guess you could get rid of the commas on the end of each line to make the reader pay attention to the story rather than the punctuation, but that's not a wicked big deal or anything. Every writer has his or her style as well as each writing piece has its own so the commas add some character to it if you look at it that way. I've never seen a writer end their lines like that so its just something new to me. Great job on writing this poem and creating a story :) I really enjoyed it.

[Black Star Adept]

I really appreciate your great response to my poem. Yes indeed the old time story was my main inspiration, and tried to add a few more unknown elements... to make it more interesting. It is quite random in some places, so that is where I can definitely improve.
The commas, I didn't even think about them, now I am fighting with myself to leave them or to get rid of them haha.

Anyway, thank you very much for reading and enjoying it!

[Heromen Selena]

Oh I'm sorry!! I didn't mean to sway your view on them! They're neither good or bad so don't stress over it. I didn't find any random spots either, but if you feel that way then yeah that is a good way to improve :) You're welcome!

[Heromen Selena]

I like this format better! It looks cleaner and focuses the attention on the words. :)

[Black Star Adept]

Yes indeed it does, thank you for your awesome advice!

[Heromen Selena]

No problem!

[Sami Khalil]

A very unique but a wonderful write. Your radiance is shining in poetry and the cosmos...Bravo.........

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you very much for your great comment... I appreciate your kindness

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly...:)...................

[KWP]

wow this is wonderful, certainly an epic read too. I enjoy very much poems in this style containing a story within.

great work x x

[Black Star Adept]

Thank you very much! I really enjoy writing my poems this way, it is great that it works well.