14 lines with sonnet rhyme scheme

to come up with excuses, accompare scuse

About this fever I’m not Apathetic.
Carrots might help.  I need a credible
Complaint.  Is there anyone more careful?
He tries to make me upset.  Optimistic,
he tries at what he is about.  Memento
and relic, a reminder of plumage
from the great Phoenix, our advantage
merely an investment of time.  Ratio
between kin to kind.  I do not exclaim.
There’s a lot more to it than security,
finding the necessary guards, carefree
and built.  I have limits, a user name;
our dreams roll around in the subconscious;
and of others’ dreams we become envious

Author's Note

there is a method to my madness, at least, even though this has a sonnet rhyme scheme would you call this a sonnet?

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sure, form is meant to be violated, a sonnet in the 14 lines...so the meter might be perfect, but what has spilled out is something that has deep content.

there is a lot more to life than careful, or security or limits...
in our subconscious we have dreams....sometimes in reality, we really need to change our strategy and just go for it...feel the fever.

this is a very cool write, Laura.

maybe my favorite by you.

jacob

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Sonnet or not this has a deep pathos and portrays the seperation of two people as they drift apart and the protagonist srtives to maintain identity and hope. Well structured and so very readable