I Want to Dye

A man reminisces about a 'special girl'.

Sitting in the corner of my room
In the spotlight of the moon, drink
In the haze of warm light, in your
Monochromatic outfit, and smile
With your red lips that defy the
Black and white color scheme of
Our world, smile with the lips that
Can drive me to murder, the feeling
I get when I'm too lonely, I get so
Homicidal, I start feeling suicidal
Over the whole situation, your razor-
Sharp snowy teeth aren't hidden too
Well when you smile at me in such a
Taunting manner, so I sit here and I
Pretend to ignore the fact I know
Everything about it, because in a way
You're worse, so I sit here and pretend
That I can't see the facade you put up
In my presence, I bend the bouquet
Of roses that are colored ever so sweetly
With the murderous intent of your tantalizing
Lips, the same red that creeps into the slits
Of my closed eyes, and rapes my mind in my
Dreams, and washes it over thoroughly until
I'm cleansed by the bloodbath, until my memories
Are stained with the red again, the paintball grenade
Exploding in the darkness, and as it splatters inside
My head, illuminating my mind, I can see you there
Dyed the same color as those who you stole away
With your steely tongue, the one that cuts into the
Soul with an unknown penetration, with each word you
Cut deeper inside, and draw yourself closer to them,
With your colorful lips, an exuberance so profound I
Can only hold my concentration long enough to make
An awkward slash across my wrists, only to stare into
The aftermath of my actions, the bloody eye in the puddle
Of my shame staring back at me blankly, and for awhile I
Think I'm alone, until I realize that it's you that's staring and
I look back to the empty chair in the corner of my room on
A moonless night, and all that remains is a blotch of red regret
Staining my white wall, like a heart exploded before giving me
A goodbye, and I see your lips in them, to kiss that red again
Before the routine of colorless reality consumes me and forces
Me to conform to the normalcy of everything I don't want to know
So I sit here, and tear myself open, and I reminisce at the murky
Red that flows from the pale marble of my skin that so closely
Resembles you, the face I never quite saw past your sweetly
Murderous lips, so I sit here and smile a little hopelessly now,
And I watch the corner of my room, the red blotch, and the
Empty chair, with no moon tonight, and I sit here bleeding, hoping
The familiarity of color draws you back to me, that the situation
Would please you enough to bring that murderous love back to me
Even if it means dying as I do so, as long as this red, your red intent
Surrounds me, and swallows up this little room I've been confined to
Ever since you imprisoned me with that devious smile, I'll be okay
Because even if you don't come, drowning in the color of your love
Would be the greatest ecstasy I could ever fathom, so as I drown in
My life, as the blood rises higher, and my life grows even fainter, and
Sinks me under the surface, fill my internal organs and explode my heart
So I can be one with you forever, dye this pale body, and let me merge
So let me dye, babe, and color me loved

Author's Note

Just want to know your general thoughts...provoke any emotions? Memories? Feel free to share, I love to listen.

Reviews

[MadasonBlue]

This reminds me of so many different feelings I've had... The shame... the wanting, mostly. Knowing that you'll be hurt but it's okay for now. I really loved this, it seemed almost like freeflowing thought. I also like how the lines got longer as the thoughts got more involved, it sped along the reading process (not to the point where you stop comprehending what's being said, but enough so it seems more urgent and needful). Wonderful work.

[FeliciaS (Poetic Prince..]

That's very deep