Baby Doll

A Story by Bloody_Hell

This is a weird one, even for me. Let me know if it works.

Baby Doll

The day was finally here. Nine months of preparing hadn’t been enough for William. Fear gripped his stomach tightly and refused to let go. For him, there were the usual nerves of being a first time father, the anxiety that nothing would go wrong during labour, and the excitement that he and his wife Joy were about to bring a new life into this world, but there was something else there too; Something unspoken.

William had a secret he hoped he wouldn’t ever have to share, but things often don’t work out the way you hope.

The countless doctors’ visits had done little to assure him that his baby, a girl, would be born normal. Oh sure, they’d done every scan and examination available, but these could only tell if the baby was physically okay, not mentally, and that is what worried William the most.

“Honey,” Joy’s voice jarred him from his fog. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just nervous is all.” He feigned a smile. He loved Joy with all his heart. The fact that she was the one in the bed about to push a 8 pound being out from between her legs and she was still more worried about him made him love her even more. He’d tried so many times to tell her of the mental illness that ran in his family; the insanity that afflicted almost everybody in some form or another yet for some reason had spared him.

He hadn’t even told her his real name. When she became Joy Anderson a year and a half ago, she didn’t know that William had only been an Anderson for a little less than two years. Before that he was a Graves. Graves in itself was not that unusual of a name unless you happened to have heard of Phillip and Andrew Graves which most of the country had. It wasn’t surprising that most knew who they were. Between the twin brothers, who happened to be William’s Uncles, they’d killed over 50 people up and down the east coast. The Twins were of course the most infamous of his family, but the Graves family tree could be found in almost every major sanitarium on the east coast.

But there was hope. William had been spared his families curse, and with Joy’s genes, he dared to dream that his offspring could be normal. He would just have to live with the lie that Joy believed he was an orphan.

“Okay Joy. It’s time to start pushing.” Dr. Wilson turned and smiled at him. “You ready to be a Dad Will?” William’s answer caught in his throat but the doctor had already turned his attention back to the matter at hand. Joy smiled at him nervously. Sweat was forming what appeared to be small puddles on her face and he realized that he was letting his worries cloud what should have been a beautiful experience for the two of them.

He rushed to her side and started dabbing her brow with a cloth. “How you doing honey?”

“Good now that you’re back with me.” She smiled at him and he smiled back. Her face suddenly twisted in pain and she clamped down on his hand.

“I need you to push through the contraction Joy,” Dr. Wilson ordered. With a small grunt that was somehow lady-like, something only Joy could pull off, she squeezed down with all her might. After a few tense moments, she let out a loud breath and fell back to the bed.

“Okay, good push. When the next one hits, give me another just like that and we’ll have this baby out in no time.” The doctor gave her an encouraging smile.

“I love you so much,” She said to William staring into his eyes. In the movies he’d always seen the women angry and cursing their men. This wasn’t so bad so far.

“I love you too babe,” He said back.

The next contraction must have been much worse because the grunt that came out of William’s petite wife was far from lady-like. Wave after wave of them hit with Joy pushing her hardest each time. William thought it would go on forever, but then the doctor proclaimed that the head was out. As Joy pushed one final time, William heard a slightly disturbing slurping sound emanate from between his wife’s legs.

William stayed at his wife’s side while the doctor pulled the baby out. Blood had never been his thing so they’d pre-arranged for Dr. Wilson to cut the cord and clean the baby up without his assistance. The last thing he wanted was to pass out on such an important day, but sometimes the last thing you want is exactly what you get. William concentrated on Joy’s face while the doctor took care of the dirty work. He heard the baby’s small cries and began to cry himself.

“Almost ready Will,” Dr. Wilson announced. “She’s a beautiful girl.” Joy leaned forward slightly but couldn’t see anything between Dr. Wilson and his nurses. Then they parted and William saw the expression of excitement on his wife’s face. He kept his eyes locked on her face until they brought the baby over and put it on her chest.

“Look honey. She’s beautiful.” Joy held the baby up to William. Hesitantly, almost fearfully he looked down at his new child and promptly passed out.

He woke in a crumpled pile on the floor wishing that what he had seen wasn’t right. A worried nurse was bending over him trying to help him up. As he stood he kept his eyes closed and his head down. The nurse led him to the chair in the corner.

“Are you okay Will?” Dr. Wilson asked. “I cleaned her up the best I could but there is only so much you can do without a full bath.”

“I’m fine. Just let me collect myself.” Everybody was quiet except the crying baby, and William could feel everyone in the room staring at him. He didn’t want to take away from Joy’s day so he took a deep breath and opened his eyes only to find that the baby was now wrapped tightly in blankets. Joy was cooing softly into her face.

“I want to name her Lilly, William. She is so beautiful.”

He nodded understanding. “Lilly’s have always been your favorite.” She looked up at him and smiled. He returned her smile and with a deep breath stood. He walked slowly over to his new family trying to steady his nerves. As he reached the side of the bed Joy turned the bundle towards him and said:

“William, meet your daughter Lilly.”

William tried not to gasp at the porcelain face that stared blankly at him from the covers. He felt light-headed and must have gone pale again because the nurse and Dr. Wilson grabbed his arms steadying him.

“Maybe you should just sit down for awhile longer,” the kind nurse suggested. William quietly agreed.

He held his head in his hands and feigned weakness until the nurses finally took the baby away then he collapsed back into the chair. He tried to wrap his head around what he’d seen. He knew it was only him that saw the baby as a doll because the others acted like nothing was wrong. Then it hit him. This was God’s punishment for lying to his wife. The baby wouldn’t be real to him until he dealt with his own reality. He knew at that moment he had to tell his wife everything. He sat up and opened his mouth to speak, but saw Joy lying back on the bed asleep.

He felt terrible. Here he was concerned only about his own personal crisis when his wife had just born him a child. He decided that he would wait to break such big news at a better time. Unfortunately for William, better times weren’t in the cards.

The night passed slowly. The nurses kept bringing Lilly to Joy to have her try to breast feed. The first time, he watched in horror as his wife bared her breast and held the lifeless doll to it. He kept waiting to see movement but there was none. After awhile, he heard a crying that he supposed was coming from it even though the mouth never moved. At that point the nurses carted the “child” away reassuring Joy that it would feed soon. William decided that fake sleep was the best solution.

Even though he hoped actual sleep would eventually come it never did. The only good thing to come out of the long night was that he had enough time to think about what to do. He knew he should tell Joy everything but feared what it would to do her. He finally settled on giving it time. His mind was overstressed, overworked, and just plain frazzled. Once things calmed down, the situation, and hopefully his baby, would become real to him. Until then, he had to put on a good show for his wife. He owed her at least that.

The next morning a slew of Joy’s family came to visit. They all seemed satisfied at first to take turns passing Lilly around and left William alone, until Joy’s Aunt Evelyn spotted him in the corner and proclaimed, “We haven’t taken a picture of Will with Lilly yet. Will, get over here now. Don’t let us hog all the fun.”

“Oh you go ahead Evelyn,” Will replied.

“Don’t be silly. We want to see the proud Daddy with his little princess.” Will hesitated for a moment until he saw the expectant look on Joy’s face.

“Okay, okay. Let me sanitize my hands.” William didn’t know what kind of disease he could pass to a doll, but it was time to start going through the motions. He walked over to Joy’s mother who was currently holding Lilly and held his arms out. As she handed the bundle to him, two strange things struck him. The first was that the doll was heavy. The second was that the doll was warm. Besides the fact that it didn’t move, breath, or do anything really, it felt much the same as holding any other child. The first flash blinded his eyes and he realized that he probably had a weird look on his face. He quickly looked up and smiled for the camera.

Evelyn held up her camera and said, “Let’s get one of the new father giving the baby a kiss.” Nods and sounds of general approval greeted this suggestion. William complied and was surprised that he didn’t feel that weird kissing a doll while everyone snapped photos. He just might be able to pull this off after all.

And so the days passed. They took the baby home and got down to the business of raising a child. William put on a show hoping that one day he would wake up, go to the crib by the bed and see a living, breathing human child, but was disappointed each time. Joy had never been happier and William was reluctant to clue her in on what was going on.

At first the act was easy. He could hear the baby cry and Joy would get up to feed it. He could smell a messy diaper and he would change it even though there was never any feces there. After his first time and Joy pointed to a spot on Lilly’s smooth plastic bottom informing him he missed a spot, he was very careful to wipe her down thoroughly to ensure that all the invisible mess was gone.

Then, things got weird.

Lilly was getting older. Joy decided it was time to start her on bottles. William made a bottle for her to feed Lilly. After a moment Joy said, “Honey, I need to use the little girl’s room. Do you mind?”

“No, go ahead.”

She handed him Lilly and when he was sat down, she gave him the bottle. “Try to keep the bottle tilted up so she doesn’t swallow too much air. I’ll be back in a second.” Ridiculous as he felt, he held the bottle to the doll’s lips and watched the news. After about five minutes, Joy returned.

“Oh my, what a thirsty little girl we have.” Will looked down and to his shock, the bottle was half empty. He stared at the formula in the bottle and watched as it slowly went down.

“I need to go.” He blurted out suddenly.

“What?” Joy asked a little confused.

“Errr, I mean….I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, go ahead.”

He sprang up handed her the baby hastily and went to the bathroom. After the door was locked, he splashed cold water on his face with shaking hands. He looked in the mirror at a pale face. “What is wrong with you? Pull it together.” He splashed more water on his face and back of his neck. It was time to tell her. He had to do it now before he lost his nerve.

He rushed out of the bathroom and into the living room where Joy was feeding Lilly in the easy chair. “Honey, I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah,” She said looking up.

“I’m having a hard time with all this.”

“All what honey?” She smiled at him.

“The baby, it just doesn’t seem….” He trailed off not knowing what to say.

“William, it’s okay. Being a new parent is hard.”

“No, it’s not just that. The baby doesn’t seem real to me.”

“Well she is pretty amazing. I can hardly believe she is here sometimes either.” He knew that she wasn’t getting the point. Without warning tears filled his eyes. “William what’s wrong. Talk to me.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“There is nothing wrong with you. You are a wonderful husband and a pretty darn good father. I’ve never seen a new dad take so much time and care doing the simplest thing like changing a diaper. You are doing a great job.”

Lilly’s cry began to come from the bundle in Joy’s arms. She stood up and stopped to give him a kiss on the cheek then walked into the bedroom to put Lilly down. When she returned William’s eyes were dry and he looked much better. She smiled and sat down on the couch motioning for him to join her. They sat together in silence and soon William was asleep. If she could carry him, Joy would have put him gently in bed just as she had Lilly.

When morning came, William knew that this would be the day that he saw his baby. The talking, the crying had been therapeutic and he just knew his mind would snap out of it. He rose from the couch and went to the bedroom. Lilly was under her covers and he pushed them away only to be greeted by the familiar glass eyes.

That was when something finally broke inside him. He picked her up roughly and immediately heard the crying that came from nowhere. Joy stirred and said. “What are you doing honey? Let her sleep awhile longer.”

Without a word he rushed out of the room toward the kitchen. “Honey?” Joy called after him. His mind was made up. This charade would end today.

Joy barely had time to sit up and rub the sleep out of her eyes when he returned holding Lilly in one hand and a knife in the other.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to show you the truth. She isn’t real. This whole thing is a lie!!” His voice rose in frustration.

“No please put the knife down!”

But it was too late. He knew what he had to do. The milk disappearing from the bottle and the crying that came from nowhere were good touches, but there was no way this thing he held in his hands was the real deal. All he had to do was run the knife down its arm and when no blood came out, Joy would finally see.

“You have to see it. It’s a f*****g doll for Christ’s sake!!”

“What are you talking about? That is your daughter, our daughter! Please give me the baby.” She stood from the bed and made a lunge toward him. He side stepped it and put the knife against Lilly’s plastic arm. He pressed down and watched in sick fascination as the tip of the blade sunk in. The crying grew louder in his ears, but he kept on. Joy screamed as he pulled the knife from the middle of the forearm all the way down to the little hand.

“You see. It’s just a toy.”

“What have you done, you lunatic?” William stared at the horrified look on his wife’s face. She still didn’t believe. He held the doll up so she could see and that is when he felt it. Warm liquid was spreading on his hand and dripping down his arm. He looked at his baby in the flesh for the first time in that moment. Joy was right. Even with blood dripping from a huge gash in her arm, she was beautiful.

Joy snatched her from his arms and he collapsed on the bed. He finally got it. The joke was on him. The family curse had gotten him in the end and he didn’t even realize it until that moment. Joy had left in a rush and he heard the front door slam. He sat on the bed numb until the police came.

Almost a year later, William sat in his room staring at the white walls. He had a private room, but that is what you get when you cut your own child open. He hadn’t seen Joy once since that morning. She didn’t show up to the hearing where he was pronounced unfit to stand trial and swiftly committed. He’d been told that the baby survived which relieved him. He wrote letters to both Joy and Lilly apologizing for his mistake. They were never answered. He wished that he could see Lilly again, if only for his own piece of mind.

One day as he sat in his drug induced haze, a knock came on his door. His doctor stepped in and greeted him. “Will, I have some visitor’s for you today. It took a lot of convincing but your ex-wife has agreed to visit you.” He could do little besides nod his head. “I’m sorry about the extra sedation we gave you today, but that was part of Joy’s conditions to come here today. I think this will really help your recovery.”

The doctor walked over to his bed and helped him up. He led William down the hallway to the visitor’s room. There was a table and four chairs set up in the middle of the room. The doctor helped him sit down then said, “Okay, I’ll go let them in.”

Them?

The word echoed in his mind clearing it considerably. He hoped that it wasn’t just a slip and that what the doctor was saying was he might actually see his daughter today. When the door opened and only Joy walked through he was a little disappointed. Joy looked beautiful as ever. He could see the pity on her face. She sat in the chair across from him and waited. After a moment she spoke.

“William?”

He had so much to say to her but no words would come so he nodded.

“I’ll never forgive you for what you did, but the doctor convinced me that this would help you.” Tears streamed unchecked down his face. Joy’s lip quivered and he could tell that she was holding back her own tears.

“I don’t know why I came. You lied to me. You hid who you really were; who your family was.” William began to choke on his tears. With a great struggle a single word came out.

“Sorry.”

“I should hope so you evil…”

“Joy. I think it is an important step for Will here to apologize and you should do your best to accept his apology,” His doctor chimed in from behind.

Joy choked down her words and nodded her head. William forced another word out of his lips.

“Lilly?”

“Yes she’s here, but I don’t know if I want you to see her.” William tried to hold back the tears, but they came even stronger. His entire vision was clouded with them.

“Please,” He said weakly.

He heard her push the chair out from under her and she walked across the room. The door opened and closed. He did his best to clear his vision as he waited. The door was behind him so he couldn’t see them as they re-entered. He heard a small voice behind him.

“Who is that man?”

“That’s your father Lilly.”

He could barely contain his excitement. He felt his blood pumping furiously despite the drugs. Joy stepped around the table first. William turned his head to see his daughter and lost all feeling in his body. Standing next to him was the doll. It was larger and looked a little different, but there was no mistaking it. This was the same doll whose a*s he’d wiped many times. The only difference was a long scar on the plastic arm.

As he watched the doll’s head turned away from him and toward Joy and began to float along the floor toward her. A voice coming from nowhere said, “I don’t like him.”

In an attempt to run, William tipped his chair over backward. The impact of hitting the floor jarred him more awake and he screamed.

Author's Note

Tear it apart, please.

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Reviews

fogisbeautiful

Definitely weird, but in a good, spooky way. I thought you captured his mental illness well, you have a great knack for describing how he feels and what he's seeing without actually spelling it out for us, like some writers feel they have to. You do a great job of getting your point across. I thoroughly enjoyed it. :)