Twisted Mind of the P.K

Its all about the current struggles of a Talent , Creative , drug addicted and Hopeless Pastor's Kid. Deep thoughts of what it is like to be a Pastor's Kid and the Pain , Anguish and Turmoil.

2016.04.29

Hopeless is what I sit with while writing this , It seems that I have lost the will to live. Words cannot describe the Pain I feel. A mental Cancer stripping away my sanity. As dark clouds cover the table shaped mountain of Cape Town, the race begins. To find an adequate place to sleep. I'm tired , my feet hurt because I had been walking all day. 

I earned R50.00 today , it took me more than 2 hours yet 2 strikes of the lighter and two balls of smoke from the Crysdtal Meth pipe and it was gone. Why do I do this to myself , I keep asking after I smoke. Its like I smoke and get depressed. The synthetic garbage I fill my lungs with and build my life around with is not working. What now ? 

As I sit this evening writing this , I listen to Adele Skyfall Chilltrap remix ( It literally feels that this is the end , the sky has fallen on my exist and all that's left is skin hanging on bones. REGRETS , torment me all the days of my daily life. Each and every moment of the day , something pops in my mind to torture me. Am I that bad that there isn't one moment that a regret of something I have done wrong isn't present ? Will I never run out of different regrets ? 

How did a seasoned Graphic Designer with that ability to change to world become so weak ? Do I hate myself that much ? My life has become a maze of misery and I feel that I am just going to sit in it. Not moving forward , not trying to get out of it , I dont possess the energy to fight anymore. The one reason I always fell on to make me get back up is long forgotten.... This is the twisted mind of the P.K

Author's Note

Please excuse gramma errors , I a newbie .