Swan song

He looks over his balcony longingly into the distance. His mind is flowing with melodies and words he wants to write down for a woman he lost long ago. He barely knew her, And it feels like a lifetime since they last saw each other.  Yet she still haunts him in his memories often enough to raise concern yet it feels innocent enough to put his mind at ease. He remembers putting his hands on her face and gently kissing her like the snow floating softly to the ground. Getting chills as his lips touched hers. She is as perfect as the first undisturbed snow. And no matter what he tries, he just can't forget her.
But his words will never be perfect enough to show her how he feels. He raises his drink slowly to his lips and let's out a deep exhale. Note books upon note books of words he wrote for her that mean nothing and melodies that sound like nails on a chalk board in comparison to the absolute perfection she exudes. A lifetime of songs peirced by moments of long silence. He sips his whiskey and let's himself cringe. Maybe he'll find inspiration when the drink is gone.
He wonders on the cold fall night alone on his balcony as he looks down at what look to be ants moving quickly through the streets in a never ending meaningless journey to find purpose, and he ponders where she is. He questions whether maybe she has the same horrid nights alone aching for his company as he longs for hers. He wonders if she even knows he still remembers and hasn't been able to let go. He wonders if in her darker moments he is the light that gives but a glimmer of hope to an otherwise dark night. But who is he kidding. He knows better than that. Because she is an the Heavens in all their glory and he's but a sinner with another sad story. Because his life has become a mess he has been meaning to clean for the better part of a long while and he can't keep up with everything and he's lookin for salvation. Salvation through anything. He believed once that she was his salvation, but now he can't decide if she is, or just his damnation.