Proud

What I deal with on a daily basis is what my life has become.

I’m so sorry

I might not be the smartest

or the most athletic

or even the most kind

But I try

I try so hard to the point of self hatred because all I want is your approval

It is my highest goal

To make you proud

And happy

And not feel like you are in a living hell because of me

I am crazy

And obnoxious

Most of the time you get mad at me

Because I’m lazy

Or just rude and negative

I really do try

I feel awful for my mistakes

The nights where it ends with yelling

And I’m holding back tears

Trying not to yell back

And I scream

You scream

Anger fills our voices

The next day is fine though

I just wish

In all those moments

You knew how much I feel like a failure

I just want you to be proud

Author's Note

This is a true experience, my days have become long with sadness. But I really do try.