Pain Cometh With True Love

A Story by Adam Faison

If you love someone, you need to tell them. Because if you wait, you may regret it for the rest of your life.

Pain Cometh with True Love

Prologue

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” Jamie read aloud. Wayne listened closely as she read. He watched her intently; he had strong feelings for her now. She had long, silky, brown hair. Her skin shined like the rays from the sun. Her brown eyes were as a majestic forest. Wayne was going to tell her how he felt tonight. As the youth service ended, he started toward her. But someone pulled him over to talk, and she was gone before he could catch her. That was the last time he would see her for a long time.

Wayne hadn’t been to school for a few days; he was far too depressed to go. Eventually his mom told him he had to go back or he would fail. He didn’t care if he failed or not anymore, but he respected his mother and went the next day.

As he walked through the school doors, he felt as if he wasn’t even in the real world anymore. Like nothing mattered now. He walked to his first class and sat down.

“Wayne! We are glad to have you back!” The teacher said. He probably told the whole class what happened, and to treat me with “care.” That’s what they always did when something bad happened to a child Wayne thought to himself. He just nodded his head at the teacher. He didn’t pay attention to the teacher as he taught. All he could think about was her. If only she could have known he thought.

The bell rang and he went to his locker. James was there waiting for him. “How are you holding up?” James asked.

“Well, I feel a little better. But I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“I am sorry you didn’t get to tell her.”

“Maybe things would be different if I had.” Wayne said as he walked off to his next class. The teacher did the same routine by welcoming him back. As before, he couldn’t listen without thinking about her. The class ended and the teacher wanted to talk to him.

“Wayne, are you alright after what happened?” she asked. He was hesitant at first, but then felt a caring hand come over his heart as though someone was saying “Let it out”.

“I can’t listen in class anymore. All I can think about is her.”

“I heard you all were close, but it will be alright. The Lord will heal your pain. She is with him now; I know she was a Christian.” He couldn’t take it in any longer.

“I loved her! I didn’t get to tell her! Why did she have to do it!” the teacher was surprised as he fell into her arms suddenly crying. She just patted him on the back as he cried. It had been the first time he had cried that hard after Jamie had killed herself.

Flashback to funeral

The funeral home was packed with relatives and friends of Jamie’s. The funeral was about to begin, but Wayne went up to the casket one more time. He laid his hand on the closed lid and thought I love you Jamie, and I don’t know if I can live without you. I don’t know what I will do to keep going. His tears slowly fell onto the casket and he went to his seat. A man got up to the podium behind the casket and said a few words about Jamie. The next hour was the longest hour of Wayne’s life, but they finally picked up the casket and put it into the hearse.

He got into a car with his parents and followed behind the hearse. They got to the gravesite and they laid the casket where it would be lowered into the ground. The preacher from their church got up and said “We lost a great person from this world. Jamie was one of the smartest and prettiest girls I have known and we will all miss her. But she is with the lord now, for she believed that Jesus died on the cross for her. Does anybody have anything to say?” Sam, Jamie’s cousin and best friend, was beside Wayne and she grabbed his hand to get him to stand with her. They both walked up to the preacher and turned toward the others.

“I spoke to Jamie before she died. I got to say a final goodbye to my best friend. I and Wayne both loved her dearly and we will see her again one day. But we must first go through this life to reach our lord. Goodbye for now Jamie.” She began to bawl and Wayne hugged her as they went back to their seats. The casket slowly began to go into the ground as they all watched. This is it was the only thing that Wayne could think. The casket reached its destination and all of them got up and went to their cars.

“I will see you at church.” Sam said as she walked away wiping her eyes. Wayne just stared at the place where Jamie’s body was and thought I see this place, but it doesn’t feel real. None of this feels real any more. How can these people just go on with their lives while mine has been destroyed? My only love has passed on, leaving me here. Though I now must too go on, I never will truly leave this place. My only tie to living is now lying in the ground here. His mother put a hand on his shoulder and led him to the car. He looked back to see a shadow still standing where he was a second before; a shadow that would stay there till he returned to this site at the end of it all.

The teacher had no words to say to him. She hadn’t expected him to start crying so hard. Wayne finally calmed down and she sat him down. She closed her door and sat next to him. “Did you have that all bottled up?” Ms. Foster asked him softly. He just nodded his head as he wiped his eyes. “You don’t need to hold in your emotions like that. It makes things worse.”

“But it doesn’t help to let them out for me either! I would rather keep the pain bottled away.” He said firmly.

“It is ok, just be calm. There is no reason to raise your voice.”

“I am sorry. It is just that I cared for her deeply and I never got to tell her. Maybe she would still be alive if I had told her that somebody cared, that I cared!” he started to cry a little more. Ms. Foster rubbed his shoulder softly as he let it all out.

“Don’t blame yourself for what she decided. It wasn’t your fault for what happened.”

“Maybe, but it may have helped.” He said softly. “I better get to Mr. Hart’s class.” He stood as he said this.

“If you ever need to someone to talk to, I will gladly listen.” She said as he walked out the door. He slowly walked to his next class, going over what Ms. Foster had said. She is right, Jamie was a Christian. She is with the Lord now, and the lord would help with his pain. Those words got him through the rest of the school day. He walked backed home where his mother had dinner ready right after school.

“How was school son?” His father asked as he sat at the dinner table.

“It was ok. Ms. Foster talked to me about what happened with Jamie.”

“What did she say?” his mother asked.

“That Jamie is with the Lord and that the Lord will help me through this pain.”

“That is absolutely right! God will always help his children. Your church family will also help you through pain. Don’t forget, church is tonight.” His father said. Wayne had forgotten that it was Wednesday. I don’t know if I can take her not being there Wayne thought to himself. He finished his dinner and went upstairs to get ready for church.

They pulled into the church parking lot as Wayne thought to himself it feels so wrong knowing she won’t be in there. Standing there as I walk in. He slowly walked through the door to be hugged by a girl with long brown hair. She also had brown eyes like Jamie had. “I am so glad to see you! I didn’t know if you would be back!” She said with tears in her eyes.

“I am glad to see you too Sam.” Wayne said calmly as he hugged her tightly back. Wayne and Sam walked back to the youth room and sat down.

“I haven’t seen you since the funeral.” She said softly. “I thought you were going to be too depressed to come back here. I know you guys talked all the time.”

“Yeah, I know now that God will help me through the pain. She is in heaven with our Lord now.”

“Yes, she sure is.” The service ended an hour later, and Sam said to Wayne “Call me sometime soon. You can talk to me about anything.” That’s exactly what Jamie would say Wayne thought to himself. On the way home, all Wayne could think about was Sam. He was close with her before, but now he thought he felt closer.

As Wayne got to his bedroom, he laid down and went straight to sleep. He had not had a dream since Jamie had died, but he could have gone without this one. He found himself in a long hallway filled with pictures, pictures with a child on them. The pictures were of a little girl about eight or so. He stared at the girl with a look of surprise on his face. She looked exactly like Jamie, with the long brown hair and eyes. But what was bad was the wedding photo right beside the other. It was of him and Jamie and they were kissing as they were announced husband and wife.

He heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Jamie standing there; older than when he had saw her last, but she was still just as beautiful as ever. She came up to him and kissed him on the lips tenderly. As she pulled away she said, “I love you Wayne.” He could do nothing but look right into her eyes, for they were empty as the pitch blackness in the sky. They were the eyes of a person long gone, a person that had passed to the other life.

This was his chance to finally hug and kiss her as long as he wanted, but he could do nothing but stand still and look at her. She began to cry and he tried to move, but he was stuck in the place he was standing. Jamie slowly walked into the room next to them. Wayne was turned toward the room to be able to see her grab something out of a drawer. No he thought as he saw that it was a small pistol she was holding. A deep voice began to speak from behind him, the voice of the Devil “You waited too long, and it is your fault that she did this. You might have had this dream life if you had tried, but now you are going to watch what you have caused and feel the pain of the ones that were closest to her. Don’t try to not look, for your eyes will be pried if needed.” The man laughed with such force that Wayne’s ear drums rumbled harder than ever before. Jamie put the gun to her head and looked over at Wayne. “You want to come too?” she asked him. Wayne could not answer her. She just stared at him and pointed the gun toward him. She stood there for a few seconds before cocking the gun.

“Boom.” The man behind Wayne said as Jamie pulled the trigger. The whole world exploded in Wayne’s ears and he screamed as loud as he could. His mother was over him trying to get him to stop shaking and screaming as he woke up.

“Wayne, calm down, it is alright. You are just dreaming.” his mother said calmly. He settled down and looked at his mother. “Are you alright?” she asked him softly. He just nodded his head and she walked back out. He turned over in the bed and cried for the next hour or so, not going back to sleep for the rest of the night. The Devil just paid me a visit to take my faith away from the lord, but I know better. Jamie is not with him but with my eternal father Wayne thought as he closed his eyes slowly.

Weeks passed by and Wayne had been talking to Sam every night on the phone. He told her everything in his life. He had even told her about the dream he had about Jamie (she did not know what to think of it either). He felt as if Jamie was still with him. He felt as if Sam had become Jamie herself. He had started to fall in love with her. She is just like Jamie, and she looks like her. I think I am really falling for her. But she was Jamie’s best friend. She was even her cousin! This is wrong. Do I feel like I still just love Jamie? Wayne was conflicting with himself, and he did not know what to do anymore.

He finally called her and told her to meet him at Johnson Café in thirty minutes. As he arrived, so did she. They had both walked from their house. “Hey,” She said, “how are you?”

“Good, how about you?”

“Good also, shall we go inside?”

“Yeah.” He answered as they walked in and sat at a near booth. A waiter came up to them and asked if they wanted anything.

“Yes please, just some coffee.” Sam said. Wayne shook his head as the waiter turned to him. The waiter then left to go get the coffee. “So, what did you want to talk about?”

What do I say? How do I explain to her how I feel? “Sam,” he hesitated for moment, “I really have strong feelings for you now. I don’t know how you feel, but I think I am in love with you.” Sam just sat there for a second before putting her hand on his.

“I love you too,” she said, “but are you sure you’re in love with me? Are you sure not just filling me in for Jamie?” Wayne just sat there with nothing to say. She is right; I am still in love with Jamie. I am just making her Jamie. “I really love you, but I want you to love me for me. Not because I make you think of Jamie.”

“I am sorry, but I think I am just making you Jamie. I still love her too much to move on. I think I really just love you as a friend, which is the way I really want it to stay.”

“It’s ok,” a tear dropped down her face, “that’s how I want it too.” She really loves me, but I don’t really feel like she does. I must have crushed her. “Wayne, there is something Jamie never got to tell you. I thought it would be better to tell you when you were better. Before she killed herself, she told me that she loved you.”

Flashback of Jamie Speaking to Sam

Sam’s room was only lit by the lamp sitting on the desk in the corner of the room. She and Jamie were sitting on the bed talking. “Sam,” Jamie said softly, “there is this guy I like and I don’t know how to express my feelings to him. He and I are good friends and I don’t want to ruin that.”

“Who is it?” Sam asked.

“Wayne.” Sam just looked at Jamie with no words.

“Really?” Sam finally asked.

“Yes, but I don’t think he will feel the same way.”

“You guys tell each other everything and are so close. He must have some kind of feelings like yours. You will never know till you try.”

“I know, but I don’t know if I can take the rejection from him if he says no. I have had too much happen this last year to have any more sadness.”

“You have had a tough year Jamie, with your mother passing away to heaven only eight months ago leaving you with that abusive father of yours. One reason you need to try, because your mother would have told you that you should reach for what you love.” Tears started to run down Jamie’s face. Sam hugged her tightly and said “That’s all I can really say.” She looked into Jamie’s eyes thinking she needs to be with him more than me. I love him too, but she has had too much sadness for one person to endure for me to try and act on those feelings I have for him.

“I need to get home. Thanks for talking with me Sam.” Jamie said as she stood up.

“Why don’t you see if you can stay here for the night?”

“I have something I need to do. Goodbye.” As Sam watched Jamie leave, she had a feeling that that goodbye was a sincere one. So she called out for Jamie to wait a second.

Jamie turned to hear Sam say “Goodbye, till tomorrow.” Jamie just nodded her head and walked away. That nod was a lie that Sam would remember till the day that she too would depart from here.

Wayne stared at Sam with no words. His vocal cords would not make a noise at all. She loved me too? Why is she gone then? If I had told her would she have not killed herself?

“Wayne? Are you ok?” Sam said with tears in her eyes.

“I…” all he could do was stutter before saying “Why did she kill herself then!?” his voice rose out of nowhere.

“I don’t know! Please calm down!” the waiter with Sam’s coffee had just come to the table. He said nothing, sat the drink on the table, and walked away. “Do you remember what she wrote right before she died?”

“Yes, she said something about that she only had one hope left. But she couldn’t take no as an answer…” he stopped in mid-sentence. His eyes filled with tears as he said “I was that last hope? She said she was depressed about life, but she had a last hope. But she thought I would say no, and she couldn’t bear to think about it.”

“I am sorry, but yes I think so. I didn’t make that realization till right now. I am sorry I even told you!” She stared to cry. Wayne had no words at all, so he got up and walked out of the café. I was right. If I had of told her she would still be alive. What have I done? I could have saved her! Wayne screamed in the middle of the street.

A man came up to him and said “Sir, are you ok?” Wayne turned and punched the man square in the face. The stranger fell to ground with his nose bleeding. “What’s wrong with you?! You broke my nose!” A policeman walking by ran over to the scene.

“What is going on here?!” the policeman said as Wayne tried to run. But the officer caught his arm. “Oh no you don’t! Now you on the ground! What happened?!”

“This guy just punched me in the face right after I asked if he was alright!” the officer said into his radio that he needs his partner to come to where they were. The police car arrived quickly.

“You take this poor man to the hospital right down the street while I take this guy down to the station.” Wayne was put into the back of the car as the other officer helped the man up. The others began to walk to the hospital as the car he was in began to move. The officer driving said nothing till he got inside the station and sat Wayne at his desk.

“Well, explain.” The officer said.

“I was just upset about something.”

“About what?”

“I would rather not talk about it. It is about my friend who killed herself a while back.”

“I am sorry about that son, but you can’t just express you anger with violence. I will let this pass this time, but I am going to call your folks and tell them what you did. I will try to convince the guy not to press charges.” Wayne told the officer his name and number. His parents were there in a matter of minutes.

His parents said nothing to him until they got inside their house. His dad took him up to his room to talk. They both sat on Wayne’s bed. “What happened son? Why did you punch that man?”

“I was angry about Jamie. I found out that she loved me too! If I had told her she may still be alive!”

“Son, do not blame yourself. You could not have known. Just put your trust in God and he will lead you home.” Wayne thanked his dad and his father left. God will lead me home….

Both of his parents had left for work, they worked the late shift. He had thought about what his dad had said God will lead me home. He had a feeling that he should go to his parent’s room. He walked there and got his dad’s gun out of his drawer. I cannot take it anymore! This is too much now! I just need to keep my faith and God will lead me home. He picked up the phone and called Sam.

“Hello?” she said.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I just know that I can trust God to lead me home. I need to go to her Sam. I am going home.”

“No…” she said as he hung up.

”God, I love you and your son. I need to get to Jamie, because we love each other dearly. I can’t take it without her anymore. I know you are my shepherd, and that you will lead me home. I know you will forgive me.” He sat there for about ten minutes. I need to do this, because I need Jamie and she needs me. It is the only way. There was a banging on the front door. It was Sam, and she had ran all the way there.

She pounded on the door before finding the spare key under the mat. She threw the door open and ran upstairs. She screamed no as a gunshot went off.

Epilogue

Love is a cruel game of fate. Love can be easily taken away. Sam thought to herself as they lowered the casket into the ground. I loved once, and now that person is gone. Fate is a cruel person. Tears poured down her face. She fell on her knees sobbing. She got one last glimpse of the casket before it was too low to see. I love you Wayne. I will see you when my time comes. She wiped her eyes to see something in the distance. Two shadows hugging each other as if they had just been reunited. Jamie has her love now, and that is good enough for me. Goodbye Wayne, for now…..

Authors note:

My two best friends are the world to me. They are the ones I love as my family. I would never resort to killing myself if such a thing as what happened to Jamie happened to one of them. But my world would be crushed. I love them and they love me, as we tell each other often. This story has how I would feel if one of them was gone. I love you guys, thanks for making my life as happy as it is.

- Adam Faison

6/25/2012

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Reviews

Serenity Faith

Truly amazing, one of a kind
helpful, loving, knowing, yet blind
no one saw and no one knew
a short, but beautiful life would be through
You wore a smile day in and day out
never forgetting a hello to shout
laughing, blushing, oh the emotions
never one to cause a commotion
One of the rare people with a huge heart
we were good friends right from the start
You always popped up with your cheesy grin
never did I think, that there'd be an end
A little bit younger were you than I
I sit here and wonder God why Malachi
A wonderful person, a bright young soul
Such a life ahead of you, longing a goal
It doesn't seem fair, it doesn't seem right
Why his day, suddenly fell into a dark night
We all love and miss you so very much, we cry
If I only had the chance to really say goodbye
Life is too fragile, to leave words unspoken
the realiziation, leave us all a little broken
If only we could hit rewind one last time
we wouldn't have to bare death's keen chime

In Loving Memory Of Malachi Sancreek 9-02-10

my only reply...this touched my heart...