Dear You

I wish I know the words and the ways to know you better. I wish I know how to get the key to your heart. As I feel you fading away from me, I surrender to the fact that you may never be mine.

Dear you,

Dear you from the other side, I want to thank you for the memories we shared, even if they were fleeting moments of a short chapter in our lives. I want to thank you for the brief exchanges we have had over the last few years. And I want to thank you for the smiles you have shown and given to me.

I cannot say the crush I have for you is any more than it is now. I cannot declare that the feelings I have for you are any greater than it is. After-all, I barely know you. I mean, we are just two strangers, two passers-by in each other lives. Yet, for all the opportunities time has allowed me to share with you, I have always looked forth to them. It is every second of those exchanges we had I treasure.

I always wanted to know you better, know you more, and spend more time with you more. Alas, each time we meet, and I open my mouth to speak, I find myself muted. Stuttering and scattering for the words I wished I spoke instead. Rather, we traded seemingly meaningless hellos, useless how are you-s, and unwillingly goodbyes. I much wished I knew the words and actions to know you better. To spend time with you more than the mediocre minutes we had.

Yet, and yet, I have to be careful of what I wish for. When you told me you had a partner, my heart sank a little. Sad, that you have a partner, even if I have no rights to. You don’t owe me a thing, nor do I own anyone. Yet I am happy, because you are writing your stories with someone you hold so dearly to your heart. Someone who is willing to share those smiles and tears with you. And I can understand why. I’m sure they are talented, good looking, and caring. While I am short, ugly, untalented, and fat. Don’t get me wrong, I can just be short and ugly, but lets just say I love food a tad too much. I will most likely clean out all the snacks in your fridge too. And that’s my own fault and choice.

I do hope that this person treasures each laughter you share with them, be there and wipe your every tears you shed. I pray they love each kiss they share with you and never let go of the times they interlace their fingers with yours

Oh, does this not feel like déjà vu? Like a record on repeat or a clown repeating their act and jokes to their audience. Nevertheless, I have to move on. And grow. So, I can reach my goals and dreams. Because these dreams give me life, and the progress I have made so far has provided me with hope. And till then, I wish you all the best and all the happiness this world can give you.

So perhaps, and only perhaps, we could meet again in the future. In a café at another country. Maybe we can meet again. In another time. And already, I can feel the mere few and short memories we share, the feelings I have for you fade away. Like a polaroid aging and losing its colour.

Thank you for the smiles you have given me.

 

Goodbye and take care,

An anonymous crush.