Booze

Imagine a friend that only seems to want the best for you. Supports you, makes you smile, seemingly gives you a glow when you need one. But all the while it's secretly killing you....

Booze; we love it in this country don't we?
We consume it almost as if it sustains us. In some ways perhaps it does; that reliable thirst quenching friend, the one that's there for us after a hard day. Supporting us through emotional difficulty, comforting us during trying times. All the while in so doing, it's also quietly draining us of our every penny, ebbing us away and in truth; slowly but surely, it's killing us from the inside out.

Yes alcohol is a friend, a close fiend indeed to many of us. But it's also a friend who secretly hates you, or at the very least hurts you while appearing to help. I'm not here to preach, not at all. I love my drink, I consume it liberally and love every bit of it.

A love of booze runs in my family. My Dad liked a drink as did his Dad before him. While my Mother has something called Korsakoff's, which a quick check up with our friend Mr. Google will tell you is an alcoholically induced form of Dementia. What that basically means is that over a period of time, she drank a lot. A lot, a lot, while also eating very little... In fact, she drank until her memory was irreversibly damaged.... Hardcore. Not because she was foolish, or nasty, or selfish, or lacking in awareness, none of those things. No, she did this to herself simply because she was sad. So sad that nothing else seemed to make sense to her and so she drank. Life can easily do that you, me or any of us at times. In my Mom's case, life was particularly wicked to her and Korsakoff's is the result.

I'm sad, I'm very sad at times. I'm on medication for the fact, just like my Mom was from around my age, and yet I drink too.

Sometimes quite a bit, on occasion a whole lot. From the outside looking in, that might seem like an open and shut scenario to you. You probably think that I should quit don't you? You probably think that what happened to my mother might and could very easily indeed happen to me in my later life, and hell; you could be right...

But I'll level with you; the thought of facing life without that occasional (far from constant but occasional) respite of the blessed pint or wonderful whiskey fills me with a cold existential dread. Famous local comedian Frank Skinner who has been a recovering alcoholic (meaning he hasn't drank a drop and used to drink a lot) for many years now, once said 'giving up alcohol isn't all that different from giving up breathing.' That for me is a perfect short hand description of the whole affair.... That's how much it means.

Pompous arseholes would probably say; yes Frank Skinner said that, but he still quit! Easy for them to say quite frankly.... I doubt strongly that he's been without the odd undeclared relapse here or there; damn it why shouldn't he? That's his right! It amazes me that so many people in this country are quick to dismiss or even actively look down upon people who suffer with severe alcohol addiction.
The hypocrisy staggers me, because quite frankly this whole country is addicted to alcohol. I've no doubt that we must surely be the heaviest drinking nation on the planet here in the UK. I'd imagine that we have been for many years. Yet still so many of us choose to judge and ostracize alcoholics.

As I said I drink a lot. At the moment I don't think it poses a huge issue. I'm not suffering physical complications, I'm clear headed and function in society very well and I certainly don't require alcohol every day to participate in life. However, I certainly would be able to admit that I have a borderline dependency on alcohol. It helps me to relax of a weekend, it assists me to de-stress after a tough week, and if the sun is out, then goodness me you'll find me in the beer garden of the local pub....

At times I have a destructive relationship with drink, turning to it when stressed or in anger and as a result worryingly overdoing it. However I'm always able to pull myself back when I need to. Take a month or so off etc. I guess to put it simply; at the moment I'm not abusing alcohol, I'm just recreationally utilizing it. That being said, I think I'm probably an alcoholic.

Allow me to contextualize that statement save that it should cause confusion. I mean to say that I believe I have within me, born within me even; the capacity to consume alcohol to a life threatening level. To drink with impunity, at least for a while. I'm sort of at war with it in a way... There are times when if the weather is right and the mood is such, I can drink endlessly and never tire of it. On holiday for instance; I drink every day and I drink a lot. I often think that were I to win the lottery I'd be dead within a year. Bleak thought that...

But I wonder what I mean to tell myself with all of this? Do I think that I should quit drinking completely? No. Not right now. Perhaps one day if things begin to go awry but not right now. Right now I feel that I'm still driving the car, (forgive the unfortunate metaphor) I'm still in control, it is an option voluntarily explored rather than an involuntary compulsion.

The capacity for addiction is there, but it hasn't conquered me yet. As long as I'm ahead of it I'm okay, for now....

Just do us a favor and keep an eye on me yeah?

Author's Note

Thank you for reading my friends and take care! :)