SING LOUD

when the sun goes down, athe moon will always rise, i look upon this moon, i think back to the many years, everything is tied together, always able to be cut under the wrong tension, but if taken care of the strings will ring, but if let loose the winds will unstring, the life will unwind, and break under the very tention, snaping in one loud pang, leaving me to sings in silence.

Reviews

[Tony]

Nothing is worse than weak strings.

[zig]

i hate breaking strings, seem i never have a replacement.

really like this, the flow is good, nice sound, the imagery is lacking a little, but thats ok. i like the format, for poems like this, line breaks really dont make any sense.

however, you need to take care of these typos, they snag the reader right out of the flow... not a good thing. nice write my friend, look forward to reading more.

zig

[ice]

Brian
I believe this poem would be better read if you break it into stanzas, instead of making it a one paragraph statement. The content is good, I think you can build it into something better, form wise.
I enjoyed reading your words.
Nameste
ice

[David Keagan]

i understood how you wrote this after a couple times. its a good write, good imagery and good spiritual message

[Norma M Sutton]

I love the feel of this. There are a couple of rough spots. In the first line you have athe . . . I didn't know if you started one word and changed it or if you do like I do and hit the wrong key. Also check the spelling of tension in the last line :) Otherwise this is a beautiful piece.