I Know You Don't Want To Let Me Go, But I Need It

I understand this is hard for you, but I need you to know it’s hard on me too. I don’t know what I’m going to do after this and seeing you go through the same struggle kills me.

Know that I mean it when I say I don’t want to do this. I have to, I really do, and I can’t fathom how to get past this obstruction in the road that is “us”. I’m only now learning how to truly open my heart, in this world of love, I’m just starting to crawl and still I fell so far. It’s so easy for me to give you my love, but it’s so hard to get yours in return. Love comes slow, but it goes so fast.

You seem to think that you know the answer to everything, that you can fix this. You can’t, I’m sorry.

Don’t act like this is the end. It’s not. You can move on and so can I. Life isn’t reliant on relationships because if it was, majority of the world would’ve given up. Even if you think I was the “one” you’ll find another person. There’s almost 8 billion people in the world, I’m sure you can meet someone better. Us splitting apart was inevitable, I’m sure you’ve already realized it, so why are you still trying to stop me? Just go already.

Want me to stay? That’s not happening, I’m sorry.

To say you understand how I feel is like a slap in the face. If anything, it’s offensive because obviously you don’t know me if you assume that all of my thoughts are written on my face. I assure you, they’re not. I can put up one hell of a facade and you’ll never be able to see what’s going on. Years of practice really doesn’t make perfect, but who cares, I can still hide it from you.

Let go of me, just do it. I can’t take this anymore. Holding onto me will just cause you more pain and I’m tired of hurting the people I love, especially you. I don’t know if I can bare to see you cry because I’m scared if I do, I’m going to break down myself and I’m not going to be able to get back up. You’ve always been the one to pick me up when I fall, to brush off the dust and tell me it’s okay. I realized one day that I had fallen in love with you, but I was too dumb to see that it wasn’t what I thought.

Me and you, you and I. That’s gone, so just choose to walk away. Walk away before it really gets to you. Now, just know, I’m only telling you this because life can do terrible things.

Go on, keep searching. You’ve got so many people to choose from. I’ve seen the way they throw themselves at you and I know you always push them away, but maybe it’s time to let someone new in. Someone to distract you from me and my selfish ways. I’m just a thorn in your side at this point so if you keep trying to bring me back, the pain will be endless.

But you see, I do still love you. Maybe not how you’d like it to be, but I do.

I can’t do this anymore.

Need me to keep trying? Well, stop it. I’ve tried. I tried fighting for you and I tried changing myself, but it didn’t work. You kept pushing me out and now you’re trying to reel me back in? I don’t know what to think anymore, my head gets so confused. The war raging inside my heart is starting to kill me. Why does love always have to feel like a battlefield? I guess I better go and get my armor since I’m not planning on letting anyone else in for a long time. Don’t come back for me, all I do is tear love apart.

It might not make sense now, but you’ll see one day that what I did was for the best. It’s hard to leave, but it’s even harder to stay. I didn’t want us to burn out. I didn’t come here to hurt you, now I can’t stop. I want you to know that it doesn’t matter where we take this road, someone’s gotta go. I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better and you know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go. We were never meant for do or die, so I want you to move on. You can’t make it feel right when you know that it’s wrong, I’m already gone. I know you don’t want to let me go, but I need it.