The day everything changed

My mom tried to commit suicide almost a year ago, and this is just a small aprt of my emtions I was able to get out.

I woke up in a cold sweat.

The sheets were wrapped around my neck.

Her door was closed on the day that everything changed.

 

The house was grey and silent.

My dad said, “Let’s go”.

I painted it blue on the day that everything changed.

 

I asked for lettuce and tomatoes.

I finished all of my tea.

I went back and painted more blue on the day that everything changed.

 

We got back in.

My phone was blinking on the dashboard.

“I love you” was all she said on the day that everything changed.

 

I crawled into her sheets.

She lay there hardly moving.

The tears were streaming down my face on the day that everything changed.

 

I picked up her limp hand.

I tried to get an explanation.

But no breath passed her unmoving lips on the day that everything changed.

 

I brought her pizza.

I watched her eat it slowly.

I wondered why she seemed so unfamiliar with herself on the day that everything changed.

 

I had to leave for two hours.

The kids were loud and wild.

I collected my pay and left on the day that everything changed.

 

I walked down the street the day everything changed.

I was greeted by flashing red lights.

Everything after that is a blur.

 

Reviews

I like this very much.
the narration seems kind of...detached. there's a lot of confusion from you. but that's to be expected.
I would suggest not using "the day everything changed" at the end of every line. it was nice at first, but then it got a bit annoying. when I got to the end and read the last line, I went "finally!"

[darkgurl]

This is a very well written write, like the emotions involved.
I like the detail and imagery. I suppose though if you want
some truth I'd change the pizza part around. You already have
lettuce and tomatoes in the top part. Change the other stanza around.
I enjoyed this. I don't read too many writes like this. It's wonderful.

[sammyj]

I do like this piece, very good and thought provoking