Katie's Dream

A character sketch I wrote for my Creative Writing class.

Katie’s Dream

            The screeching of the alarm clock was gently interrupted by the slam of my fist. The fragile buttons shivered with fear. The bright red numbers burn through my eyelids, forcing me awake. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up in bed. I glance at the white sheets and comforter caressing my body. The sound of dripping liquid catches my half impaired mind. My senses tingle with the bold smell of coffee coming from the other side of the room. I mosey out of bed, half limp to retrieve my cure to the morning. Left. Right. Left. Right. I remind myself. My legs weaken with every step. Crossing, stumbling. Groaning from my tiring emotions to the repeating routine, I feel the heat of the black drink smother my fingertips. I sip the steam filled cup quickly, hoping it burns on the way down. Another day.

            Walking past my bed to the small circular window, I sit in my usual spot. Every time I look out, every morning, something has changed. Which to look at first? To observe? My eyes zoom in on a small piece of newspaper on the streets. Stuck on the curb, it watches in dismay as the world continues to blow past it. I hear the wind howl outside my window; I can’t help but to watch as well. I glance away, hoping to avoid the swelling tears in my eyes. The wind continues to race past my window without stopping. Water starts to escape from my eyes as I try to find something else that catches my attention. The local homeless man. He’s not like most homeless people who sit and beg, he dances around the street. A giggle escapes my lips as I dry my hot cheeks. My eyes then close in on a newly shattered bottle slightly blinding me. The small, sharp fragments spark the sun’s reflection off the bitter edges. My attention then focuses up on the sun. Staring, my eyes now not affected by the blinding rays, I wonder. My mind strays. I try to grasp one emotion but I can’t. I swim through the river of emotions without being able to take a breath. The wind keeps blowing. From a blissful picnic to the harsh screams of reality; of people. Smiling in pleasure, I squeeze my hands tighter around my cup, trying to wrangle the emotion. My cup. Where’s my cup? Frantically breathing, I whip my head back and forth to realize it’s gone.

            Gone. Everything gone. No alarm clock. No coffee. No bed. Just a window and a chair.

            “The jury has reached a decision”, I try to snap out of the harsh moment, the harsh memory, “Katie Waters. Not guilty by reason of insanity.” The wonderfully loud, ear-bleeding sound of the gavel begins to wake me from my dream. My flawless dream.

            Wrapping my arms around myself, I stare at my innocent reflection in the small window as if it was mocking me. Analyzing the curls of my snowy hair cascading down my shoulders and back. Admiring the one I love. The only person I can’t harm; the only person I'm afraid to harm. Looking past the blood stained lips of my only love, sits a sign. The rusted outline of letters replaces those that have been knocked out from previous years. Any passerby wouldn’t recognize the faint words. After looking out this window, in my usual spot, I see the sign as if it was brand new. The letters molded into my brain; Lost Springs Insane Asylum.

            My home. 

Author's Note

Critique! Go crazy!

Reviews

[Dee Okolotowicz]

The sketch was well written. It gave us some insight into Katie's psyche. Of course, without fleshing out the sketch into a short or a novel, we don't know exactly what occurred or how. So you kept our interest.

There were several items that would need an edit, such as the phrase:
"the alarm clock was gently interrupted by the slam of my fist"
This is a bit of an oxymoron. If you gently interrupt something, then you wouldn't slam your fist on it. It's not a true oxymoron, but my point is similar.

Also, it's not normally a good idea to begin a sentence with an "--ing" word, such as "Rubbing or walking, etc." These words will always catch an editor's eye at the start of a sentence. A rewrite of the sentence would be better. And you have no extra adjectives (words ending in --ly) that I saw, and that's very good.

All and all, as fragment character sketch, it has good potential for a story.

[Steve]

This sounds like a good beginning.....keep going!