The Birth of Bluesbadawoman

The birth of Bluesbadawoman.

by Bluesbadawoman

 

It was late.  Maybe 11 or 12. I was sleeping in the loft with the little girl, Krystal, that I was babysitting.  I heard him come in with her and then at some point go into the room next to the one I was in with her daughter.

 

I heard them having sex.  I was now in a fetal position; and the toxic goop was filling up my insides.  It was heavy and stung so bad.  My insides were brimming with a pain that I did not want to endure again.  Not again.  It moved inside of me"from my heart into my fingertips; from the gut into the tips of my toes.  I gripped myself, freeze-paned on that bed as a moment in life moved painfully around me.

 

Give it back.  Give it back.  Don’t keep it this time.  Give it back, I was told, into my gut by a voice that was a woman, strong and Black; not what was me back then.   And it galvanized my being up out of that bed, back into the world where he moved.  To my life, for my life, I moved.  Spirit-driven, involuntarily.  I knew that I was moving, but I was a being possessed by something that was not me. 

 

The spirit of the Bluesbadawoman moved through that bedroom door, out the apartment, down the long hallway, barefeet running now, glass door resting on my body, yelling out into a dark grey morning  his name"“Anthony!  Anthony!”

 

“Yeah, babe.”

 

He follows me back.  The apartment is dark.  I stand in front of him and her and my mouth opens.  I give it back, let it out and speak for me, in defense of me, to live, to free my freeze-paned piece of bluesbadawoman.

 

I gave it back, moving the words like a didgeridoo.  I paused him.  Almost made him late for Africa.  He left for his flight.  I left for Kinkos.  Mesmerized with what just happened.  Empowered by Bluesbadaswoman.  I would call on her again.

 

Anthony moved past.  I moved on, afraid he was waiting for me around the corner and wanted to give it back.

 

I walked on to Kinkos, feeling like I was being made by spirits and gods and angels.  Under the fluorescent lights, behind the counter, looking out through Kinko’s big picture windows at the dark morning, I felt reborn. 

 

I now walked with gods and angels and a superhero named Bluesbadawoman.