The! One! You're! Watching!

A Stage Play by Caboj

Attractive jock looking boy comes out in front of the curtain with a microphone in the spotlight. Chuckles and winks at someone in audience)

Victor: Hey, my name’s Victor. This is The! One! You’re! Watching! (Yelling and angry, he controls himself and goes back to being extremely happy). And you see…with a name like that you gooottttta expect a bit of yelling. Yes we went ahead and brought in some Class A Screamer’s. Just for you. I know…I know what you’re thinking, how can you call in Class A Screamer and there’s a really simple answer (light from back of theater) oh sorry...I’m getting my cue apparently…three flashes means…bologna, annnddd one extremely long hold means an actress is…crying? (footsteps from back of theater)...Again? Or…no is it actor? Anyway what do you want me to do about it?

(A small girl with glasses in a business suit and heels bursts through the back doors of the theater with a briefcase following.)

Tina: You’re beeeing offensive Vic! (angry but charming whisper) Sorry ladies and gentleman. (Nicely and loud) The point of the flashes is so that no one knows what the problem is only that there is one. (Through her teeth)

Victor: You know everyone can hear you right? (Wait an unsettling amount of time for an answer that does not come but just make faces at each other in the means time)…And that you sound ridiculous.

Tina: Just don’t be offensive Vic you’re doing great. (She leaves with a smile

Victor: Women these days, am I right? (throws up hands) Gosh, well anyways we’ve got something for ya. Here it is and please, for the love of god. Keep your gum in your mouth because I work for the janitors so…thanks. (Walks off stage)

(Lights cut, Curtain starts to open and grand music playing but distant yelling is heard and curtain closes again, music stops Enter stage Left Gabrielle)

Gabrielle: (Shooing and shushing people off stage) He didn’t even say the intro to the play! (She finally breaks free out of breath and struggles to breathe towards center stage) So hey guys! I’m Gabrielle. This is what you’re going to see tonight. This Musical is about boys and girls and growing up and all that happy fun stuff. We are in (Insert last year to current date) Back in the times when our phones couldn’t make breakfast for us. Anyways there’s this one man-boy that triumphed in over coming his fear of high school. His name is Josh McPosh. And I’m one hundred percent serious that was his name it was. This is the story of Josh McPosh…Otherwise known as The! One! You’re! Watching! Hope you enjoy.

(Lights fade. Gabrielle exits. Curtains open and grand music starts again. Josh McPosh enters stage right. More Argueing. Musics stops and two stagehands fall out on stage Rick and Pierce)

Peirce: Hey Rick where’s your glasses? (Smacking on his face laughing)

Josh: Pierce we’re specifically doing a musical about not bullying get off of him. (Rick gets off) This is exactly what I have to deal with everyday taking on this role. I paid kids to bully me just to get better into this role.

Rick: Guy’s were on stage (horrified)

He hurriedly started singing and dancing trying to get Pierce and Josh(Alex) to join in too)

I watch this world in a drained kind of way.

I see these people in a blurry haze

I see the blue and purple blobs

All around me, closing in

Oh look a speck of dust

Take em off

Clean em off

Put em on

But wait what’s that just before they hit the nose?

The world is so much brighter.

So much lighter.

But I have to put them on

Without em I would…(music pauses as he thinks) walk straight in to traffic

Or get…(music pauses as he thinks) on the wrong school bus

Without em I couldn’t…(music pauses as he thinks) order at the drive through

Or…go…see…that…play that I really wanted to see that one time

Its called ‘The! One! You’re! Watching!’

(Music stops, Pierce and Alex leave, Rick is still dancing)

Rick: Please close the curtain!

(Curtain closes and then reopens causing Rick to keep thinking he’s done dancing only to rush back into it again and again)

(Over PA)

PA Announcer: After some…problems with the stage construction we need a minute or two of your time to reset and repair everything. Here is one of our finest youths. Brad. Show em what you can do Brad.

(Spotlight follows Brad as he emerges stage left and paces the stage about to talk and then stopping himself to think again)

Brad: (Sweating profusely) Well did you hear about the new research? Yeah apparently they found that 50% of human DNA is the same as 50% of banana DNA. Crazy world right? (Sighs and collapses)

(Janitor enters and sweeps Brad off the stage whistling.)

(Lights cut)

PA Announcer: Sorry about that were ready to perform now. Enjoy.

(Curtain rises, dramatic music bright light, Josh sits in his cabin)

Josh: (In a southern accent) Let me learn ya sometin alrigh’ ladies and cowboys. This show just got cancelled. On my authority. Brad is going to see a doctor, we broke a large part of the set and we just ran this old thing back up again from our last performance. Cowboys and ladies. So I apologize but were not going to be able to perform and you don’t get your money back. Thank you fellas and goodnight.

(Cast members in crowd in ridiculous disguises booing)

Director stands up. Hush’s everyone. Do it with the broken set for these people please its better than nothing that’s what they want.

(Cast members in crowd shout Yeah! In a confused tone)

Crowd member 1: We don’t want to see this but we already paid to get out of class/another one of my moms lectures so do something they yell if you sleep in here.

Josh: (Still in southern accent) Fine why don’t you just kill us! We’ll set it right up sir/ma’am. (Salutes director) This will only take a second fellas. (Lights go out. Curtain closes. Clattering and banging. Throw in a cat in a garbage can noise everyone love/hates. Curtain opens. Wonderful music, Bright lights. The set is completely, dramatically, destroyed. Set of boys bedroom)

Josh: This is what’s left *directors name*. Ok! Ok! I’ll do it.