Calvin Works at a Haunted House

Calvin Works at a Haunted House

A Story by Calvin

Excerpt of my story about the time I worked at a haunted house during the Halloween season.


When working in a haunted house during the Halloween season is your job, contemplating suicide is a natural part of one’s thought process.  The job is horrible.  People probably think it would be the best gig in the world, but it’s not.  I’d rather let Edward Scissor Hands jerk me off than work at another haunted house in my lifetime.  We purposely would do things to get fired and our advisor was completely oblivious to any of it.  She treated us like we were the f*****g saviors of the haunted house.

Getting a behind-the-scenes look at an amusement park made me never want to waste my f*****g money actually going to one ever again.  Without working for one, you don’t realize that amusement parks are where the scum of the earth go for entertainment.  They are equivalent to the Island of Misfit Toys from Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer.  

The scare house we ended up getting assigned to would have made Jerry Sandusky proud, but not us.  It looked like one of those sick f***s from “To Catch a Predator” designed the place.  The amusement park’s idea of scary was way off the mark.  Throughout the entire house were walls covered in naked Barbie Dolls.  To top things off, they had us workers dressed up as a bunch of transsexual misfit toys.  We looked like complete jackasses in our costumes.

The people who went through the haunted house usually came straight from the trailer park.  You could have filmed an entire episode of “True Life: I’m a Dirtbag” right at the front entrance of the house. I mean honestly, who the f**k would pay good money just to get the s**t scared out of them?  Not me.  Then again, I’m not a moron.

© 2012 Calvin

Author's Note

Let me know if you would keep reading!

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"People straight from the trailer park." Funny, funny, funny, unless you happen to live in a trailer park, and are happily married to your cousin, Elma May!

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Well that's definitely not the most desirable job to me after reading that but interesting story

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I loved this write, Amazing detail & imagery. I would defintely read more.

Posted 10 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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3 Reviews
Added on December 3, 2012
Last Updated on December 3, 2012
Tags: Funny, Halloween, hilarious, october, haunted, house, calvin, job, worst, costume, amusement, park, employer, fund, raiser, lacrosse



Cleveland, OH

College student. Play lacrosse. more..