Breathing- a twilight songfic

Song by Yellowcard. You can listen to the song on my playlist on my profile. This story is about Edwards P.O.V on the whole leaving Bella part.

Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
the fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
and even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own

 

            I lay next to Bella, hearing the way her heart beat. It was music to my sensitive ears. It hurt just to think I would never hear it again. I fought with myself through half of the night. I wanted so much to be with her, to see her at her 19^th and even 90^th birthday. I knew what I had to do, though. And it didn’t involve me being here to see her grow older, as much as I wanted too.

            Replays of her disastrous birthday flashed in my head. I flinched at the sight of Jaspers teeth, just inches away from her neck. If I hadn’t been near her…I swallowed hard, I didn’t want to think of the possibilities. I looked at her always pale face, and the way she talked in her sleep.

            “Edward…mmm….I love you,” she mumbled in her sleep. If my heart could, it would have skipped a beat. I stroked the side of her cheek with my finger, knowing what little time I had left with her.

 

 

And I can feel you breathing
and it's keeping me awake
can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

 

          My heart sank to the deepest depths of my stone chest. I sighed, suppressing a tearless sob. How was I going to live without her? I knew, and I hoped that Bella would somehow forget the vampire she fell in love with. Despite my feelings and jealousy I had with Mike, Jacob or any other mongrel that loved her, I hoped she would build a life with one of them.

Gently, very softly I kissed her slightly parted lips. Her scent so powerful entered my nose and mouth. I swallowed the venom back, and controlled the longing of the thirst. I couldn’t leave her; it was impossible. Where would I go anyways?

I used to be so sure that I would stay and love her; while she remained human. Now those thoughts are doubts. It would be impossible for her to love someone who didn’t age, and that means she would want to be a vampire. And I couldn’t have that. Her soul so pure and vital could never leave her body. The only option was for me to leave her. She needed someone better…more human.

 

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

 

                                      * * *

       “Bella, we’re leaving,” I said quickly. I looked at her, my eyes searching for some reaction. I only saw understanding in her chocolate brown eyes. Confused, I waited for an answer. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard for her as it would be for me.

            “Why now? Another year-“I wanted so much to answer in a positive way but I couldn’t.

            “Bella, it’s time. How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he’s claiming thirty-three now. We’d have to start over sooner regardless.”  I was coming up with excuses, but eventually she would get the idea. I tried to make her understand by the cold impassive look that was on my face, trying to show nothing in my eyes that would make her doubt what I was saying.

            Inside my whole heart was twisted with the lies I was telling my lovely Bella. How could I lie like this to her? I knew the answer to that question. It was for her own good and safety. Two seconds exactly had passed, and I saw with my own eyes that she comprehended. Hurt was written all over her face. I could hardly look back.

            “When you say we-“, She choked barely in a whisper. I made myself answer before I could hear any more of her pain.

            “I mean my family and myself.” Each word I spoke was cold and distinct. And with each word my heart shattered. Her whole face was scrunched up in pain, but I couldn’t make myself look away from her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes that were wide with shock. It was a few minutes before she responded.

I can feel you breathing
it’s keeping me awake
could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

how am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
the only love I ever knew, I threw it all away

            “Okay, she said. “I’ll come with you.” My heart nearly exploded right there; somehow I managed to look indifferent.

            “You can’t Bella. Where were going…” I struggled to come up with words. “It’s not the right place for you.” Bella near me was never the right place for her.

            “Where you are is the right place for me.” It was like she was reading my thoughts and contradicting them.

            “I’m no good for you Bella.” This was true to the core. Bella didn’t belong with a monster like me. She belonged with someone good. And I was anything but that.

           

                   * * *

            “Bella I don’t want you to come with me.” If saying those other things to her were hard this was excruciating. Her lips started to tremble, and I almost graveled at her feet for forgiveness right there, but I kept my stand. Those eyes started to fill with tears that hadn’t spilled yet. My eyes stung, with the tears I couldn’t shed too.

            “You…don’t…want me?”  Her voice came out strangled and heavy with pain. If I was human a lump would have formed in my throat.

            Her words were taken out of context, but I grasped at the chance. “No.” I made myself say. It was a robotic response.  

“Well that changes things.” Her voice came out so normal, almost peaceful. Finally accepting the lie I was telling her. I couldn’t believe she believed what I was saying. That’s what made me break down. I looked into the trees as I spoke again, unable to look her in the eyes.

“Goodbye Bella.” I was about to turn when she reached for me.

“Wait!” I was about to reach for her too, but instead I locked her arms in place and kissed her forehead, savoring the touch.

“Take care of yourself,” I whispered. Hoping she would listen to my last wish. I then turned and ran swiftly into the trees before she could hear the strangled cry that was bubbling to my lips. Love, life, meaning…over. The fire burned my soul and cold heart by the time I made I was well out of Forks.

 

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

 

Author's Note

Thanks for reviewing!!! remeber you can listen to the song on my playlist. Thanks again!

Reviews

[Love Struck]

Oh....my....God. When I first read New Moon, this is exactly how I pictured Edward's thoughts while he was saying goodbye!!! One of my favorite of your lines is, "Bella near me was never the right place for her." Edward has so much doubt about his love for her, and he always ends up hurting himself more than anything. The lyrics fit the mood perfectly. This was AWESOME. Don't touch it!!! Lol

PS thanks for your reviews on my story - you have no idea how much it means to me (:

[KimmiChristine(:]

wow that was rlly good. Serisouly u need to write some more of those
Peace :]

[**Cullenified77]

omgshhhhhhhhhhhhhh
taht was greaaaaaaaaaaat!
i was almost gonna cry, it was that good!
great work, keeeep it upp :)

[Call me Jane]

Boo Hoo when i read now moon i cryed at that point cuz i kno how she felt.... it was goodXD