The Price of NOT Writing

Essay first appeared in Why We Write section of 1888 Center web site on July 11, 2016.

Why do writers write? Fundamentally it’s pretty much the same. We write because we must; because this is who we are. I could say the same for me, but I prefer to look at this from a slightly different perspective: what would happen if I didn’t write?

 

I’ve done it before. This “hiatus” lasted for nearly ten years and I felt the consequences of my writing inaction.

Misery. Pure, pure misery.

There was also hate there. And anger. At what? At myself. At life. At various people.

During this period, I dealt with a lot of losses. My vision and hearing due to a progressive disease. The death of my first husband at the age of 25. A miscarriage. Nearly losing my second husband to Pericarditis. Job loss due to restructuring. My father to an aggressive lung disease.

You know, life.

It’s something we all experience. We get up each morning. We breathe. We eat (except for those who live solely by coffee). We go about our daily duties. And for those of us who can, we sleep.

Day in. Day out.

As humans, we’re survivors. I mean look at the history of mankind. It’s a miracle that we even exist!

So, that’s what I did. I strived to survive. Only it wasn’t enough. Anxiety and depression slipped into my life. I felt I was slowly losing myself. Heck, I wanted to lose myself! I mean why did I keep fighting to live? At some point in our existence, we all die.

Right?

Something was missing. A piece of me was missing. I just couldn’t figure it out.

My second husband, Jay, presented me with a gift for no special occasion. It was out of love he gave me this precious item, and because he knew me better than I did.

A journal.

A beautiful leather-bound book full of white pages.

Blank pages.

I instinctively knew what I had to do. I took a pen and painstakingly filled each page with words. As Hemingway so eloquently said years ago, I bled on those pages.

I’d found the missing piece of myself.

My writing soul.

So, whenever I’m asked, why do I write?

I write because the price is too high NOT to.

Author's Note

Why do you write?

Ever really thought about all the true reasons why you do what you do? I had the opportunity to sit down and write an essay for 1888 Center about why I write.

Reviews

[Farmgirl]

Oh what a bitter sweet write I'm reading and yet so beautifully written and expressed I truly enjoyed this and I would have to agree we write because it is it in us to those who are truly writers just do it because we know we are supposed to and in not being obedient to this truth we punish ourselves greatly by ignoring the urge to


Thank you for sharing

I enjoy reading your words so eloquently direct and out spoke

I applaud you for the strength battles that you've overcome and accepted for what they were just plain Ole life journeys of personal expiriences & of course undeniable truths
Writing like this definitely gets stored in my library

[Carrie Ann G]

Thank you, Sunshine :)

[Farmgirl]

You are very welcome sweetie

[Suzy Hazelwood]

Very well said!! Writing is your therapy! I find it much better than a psychiatrist, it reveals and heals so much. Keep writing on! :o)

[Christopher Miller]

A very worthy question. I'd like to see you expand on this. In that time before you were given the journal, did it ever occur to you that writing was what was missing? When not writing to deal with the losses you mentioned, did you try any other coping mechanisms? If so, were any of them successful, even to a limited extent? Looking back, what difference would writing have made?

[Carrie Ann G]

I have been mulling over in my mind to do just that (expanding on what I've written so far). Just trying to figure how much I want to reveal about myself and my family life.

[orlando]

hola quetal soy orlando te hablo desde peru, me gusto mucho lo que escribiste es muy hermoso hacerlo con amor, talves tenga mala ortografía en este momento, en la escuela no estudie al cien por ciento, pero ahora que descubrí que me gusta escribir lo hago con mucho amor. me gustaría por favor que me des las pautas de como ser escritor, cuídate mucho un abrazo desde peru.

[p]

It's hard to post a review for essays because they usually deal with pure fact over the emotion that a story or poem would, but I think anyone who writes can agree with the conclusion you've drawn, it's agony to ignore the instinct.

[Carrie Ann G]

Emotions are something I've always kept bottled up until recently. Now, writing about and through emotions are liberating, therapeutic for me. :)