I hope I make it till the Spring

A re-write

I hope I make it till the Spring.

A Poem by Coyote Poetry

A old poem written in 1989. I learn I wasn’t important. I learn to be kind to friends and family. Silence is better then speaking negative words. One year apart, two brother hung themselves. Photo above, both were twenty when committed suicide. Left no message and no goodbye. The Coronaviras days are here. Many lonely people. Call someone you miss, call a old friend, keep in contact with your family. All of us need to feel loved and important.)"

                       I hope I make it till the Spring.

I hope I make it till the Spring.
The Spring is when the world comes alive.
When the Winter days fade away to memories and
warm days heat up the hearts and dreams.

Yesterday the cold of Winter was for us to hold on tighter,
to keep each other warm, but somehow life had become a
search for a reason to be.

I looked to the past, but I don’t feel hope.
I saw the many mistakes made.
I can see the many beautiful moment too,
I feel they haunt me more than the bad.

I remember when life was easy.
All dreams in reach.
Today I feel that my life has become a useless journey.
Just aiming at useless dreams, not needing affection.
Like love creates more pain than sweetness.

Where do you look to bring laughter where there is only sadness?
Where do you find smiles when life becomes only a journey toward death?

Am I a coward?
Because I fear tomorrow.
Am I the cause of my own pain?

I feel I have chosen my journey,
for I have touched the pinnacle of love,
reached power and money but I was never complete.
I never found happiness.

Maybe I chose the wrong direction.
I wish to be born anew.

I know only I can open the door to love and forgiveness.
I must find new dreams and hope.

Where do I begin?
I seen to fall on the same path. Money and work.
I don’t need friendship and I don’t even need the gentleness
of a woman touch.

Am I pass the road to know happiness?
Can I find the thirst to be happy?
Is it too late to learn to love?
I don’t know if i have any desire left.

In the Spring.
Maybe I will feel strong again.
Feel the energy of hope.
Maybe the warm days of Spring will rebirth the desire
to love and know laughter again.

In the Spring.
I will find hope again.

Coyote    (Written in 1989)
John Castellenas

Author's Note

Suicide. Effect us all.

Reviews

[Hayllie]

This is awe inspiring. Though I believe that in suicide does come freedom, it only eases the pain temporarily. I myself have been to this darkness in my own life, and I still struggle daily to not go back, but I try an find light in the darkness of what's to come. Love this thank you!

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you dear Hayllie. I appreciate the comment.

[gram linski]

hey Coyote have lost a few friends and family to suicide and you think if only they had reached out, maybe I could have helped, and in these troubled times there must be many vulnerable people thinking dark thoughts, thank you for sharing this deeply personal poem,

[Coyote Poetry]

Time for us to check on people. Dark times allowed dark thoughts to appear. Thank you dear friend for reading and the comment. Be safe and be careful my friend.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the way people are imprisoned within their own walls, spring may not come until after summer. It feels like such a desperate, long wait.
But we have to fight off the depression as hard as we can...and know everyone else is in the same boat.
Powerful write, my friend.
j.

[Coyote Poetry]

Thank you Jacob for reading and the comment. The worst days of my life. Made me kinder.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

This is beautiful I’m very sorry for your losses of both brothers so tragic
I lost my sister to it in 1982 and my closest best friend three years ago to it

[Coyote Poetry]

Many are loss to suicide. Today world, large increase in the suicide rate. Lonelinss make some folks think too hard and they become afraid. I am sorry for your loss dear Julie. Now I listen and I pay attention to people near.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Yes we need to listen carefully
Take care and blessings to you