Till the End

Two lovers

 

 

She walks by,

He catches her scent.

She smiles.

He loves her.

 

He walks by,

She melts.

He smiles.

She loves him.

 

He holds her hand.

She blushes.

His heart stops.

They are in love.

 

They fight.

She cries.

He comforts her.

They still love each other.

 

She buries her face.

He walks away.

She yells at him as he leaves.

She can't live without him.

 

He tries to hold back his tears.

She turns away.

He can't stand her pain.

He can't live without her.

 

She jumps from the chair.

He slits his wrists.

They say, "I love you" for the last time.

They are together again.

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Karlie]

wow this was a good poem!!!! its so simple and so complex!!!

[John Stussy]

i think it's pretty good, the formatting is neat and i love how you finished each stanza with a simple statement about them and their love. good job.

[[untitled]]

Hm... you included both lovers instead of just one of them. Nice!
I don't know what love is. Never experienced it, but from what I've seen... you're right on the spot.
One random thing I have to say is that my favorite lines are the second ones in each stanza (except for the last one). Do people actually slit their wrists for love? Wow! Love can be that demanding...
Kinda like the relationships I've seen in movies. It's a compliment, actually.
I see you bolded the last lines (or is it just my bad eyes?). They sorta make a story of their own. Quite creative idea of yours!

Great poem! Seriously. It was very good! But as I usually do in my other reviews, I'll give you some advice. Not that I know will 100% work, but it's worth it. You have a lot of simple images. You know... it wouldn't hurt just making some of those a bit more... sharper, interesting. Now, I'm not saying they're a bad thing. They come in handy actually. Very powerful poem (like what I see in this one's future) consist of them...

Hope this helps!

[Y.F.]

I was going to write "what a lovely, pure poem", and then I read the last stanza.
Ay-yay-yay..
Nice twist, great subject, skillfully written.

One last thing that comes to mind, and I just HAD to share with you:
"She jumps from the chair........They are together again." - daughter of humpty-dumpty? :)