Nightmares

When I fall asleep I know what happens next

the same thing always happens at the night

I close them and fall into a deep slumber

I find myself little once again

My mother is at the table weeping

I pull her shirt as always

she faces me and then what happens

black sockets filled with bloody tears tell me all over again

"it's all your fault this had happened."

She regains her eyes 

they just roll into place like they were in the back of the head

she stands and I step back but fall in the end

She kneels at me and raises her hands

I shake my head in a no

one sweep of a motion she grabs my neck

"everything is your fault Everything."

I say sorry all night long 

People wake me up on an overnight trip or when I'm at home 

I find myself crying and have to assure myself that it was a dream

but when I do realize the truth 

I can no longer ask for the forgiveness I needed

Because that was the last time I ever saw her again

Now you are half way across the world with a person you ran off with 

No replies no answers I forget that I was even your child