White Horses

The salt of the sea and the soft of the sand,

the calling gulls in my motherland,

the creak of the deck and the curve of the wave,

the secret whispers belong to the brave,

and in the dark of the day and the end of night,

white horses will rise up to fight.

the soft of the sand and the salt of the sea,

one day soon we shall be free.

Reviews

[Nicole Philipa K.]

Great use of alliteration. I enjoyed reading it. especially out loud. Also, good establishment of rhythm. A very enjoyable poem. Also Ironic that it is white horses that are used to "rise up to fight." as black horses are commonly associated with having a more vigorous nature... makes me wonder what the symbolism behind it is. Good poem.

[Nigel Newman]

Hi there. I was doing something else and needed a break, so i thought I'd browse WC and see what some 'friends' had been up to. I landed here, and this is quite delightful. It's very sibilant and rhythmic, and creates a lovely feel. I enjoyed reading it aloud.

I notice that the final line 'breaks' the rhythm, and I assume that is deliberate, almost to coincide with breaking free. I have a couple of comments about this
- assuming it was deliberate, I might emphasise the contrast even more and finish it .... we'll be free ... to remove one more syllable
- opportunity to retain more sibilance, if you wish, with some day soon rather than one day soon, but then again, you could probably find even more clunky words if you wanted to emphasise the break
- if you actually meant it to stay on rhythm and meter then there are some really obvious words one could add in, such as ... we shall all be free ... But when I make that sort of suggestion to my fellow band-members when we're composing and looking for a chord, they turn on me and say 'too obvious, boring, predictable'. Anyway, I'm sure you could find a less obvious but equally fitting word if you wished.

Really nice. Memories of 'I must go down to the sea again, to the lonely sea and the sky ....' (as kids we liked to finish this with 'I left my socks there just last week; I wonder if they're dry'.

Regards
Nigel