More substantial

Even the smoke I inhale

Is more substantial

Than you.

It caresses my face,  

And takes up more space,

The kingdom of mists versus the kingdom of solids.

I now have proof of the existence of God

But here I am, wallowing in the sod.

Reviews

[Margo Seuss]

Sort of a pick me up poem, this is. When life has you down, don't wallow in 'sod' get back up and take on the challenge! I recently had one of these moments, so this poem sort of stood out to me. I'm just not sure about the ryhme at the end and in the middle. They seem a little out of place. Perhaps if you put a space between "And takes up more space" and "The kingdom of mists..." they would make more sense.

[Frontier]

Hmm interesting you see it that way, as I had written it in a darkish mood. :) Yeah I didn't really stop and edit this as it was in the spur of the moment. But thanks a lot for pointing it out, your reviews are so helpful.

[Clockwork]

I kept coming back to your first three lines in this one. They make such a strong statement. Smoke, something so illusive, is more tangible than the person she is addressing. Those lines make that person seem so distant, so small. Then you have what the smoke can do, and what the subject of the poem can't accomplish.

You send such a clear message about knowledge here--even though the speaker has the answer to one of the greatest questions in human history, she is still bound to one of the lowest segments of life. Sometimes knowledge doesn't set us free.

[Frontier]

You know I was thinking of making a "reply poem" coming from the subject, where she/he addresses the smoker saying they choose something so elusive rather than a person.
You are right, knowledge isn't everything. Thanks for your review.

[Clockwork]

You're welcome.

I like the idea of the reply poem from the subject. Go for it :-)

[paul sal.....]

I'd say the"you" character is not held in high esteem by the protagonist and has left the latter stuck in an untenable situation......

[Frontier]

a seeming sad state of affairs...

[Relic]

It's funny how we see things differently when compared to something emotionally barren. The smallest of things take on weight that wasn't there before. Well done.

[Frontier]

Indeed relic. :) it's all about where we put our attention, and intentions.

[isus]

f**k, i have to say really excellent to me, you don't know even how i like this

[Frontier]

hahaah f**k yes! thanks :) I'm glad.