I was sitting here at the computer watching the clouds pass, looking to be brushing the tree tops. It was so gentle and warm. And then I thought of you and this is what happened. Here's your poem.....baby.
My Review
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I like how you bring it down to specifics "without all that s**t" :)
What happens though when that breath is gone? What happens to you?
I loved, "none of that Ken Doll s**t" - made me laugh, but then again what girl hasn't played with Barbies and Kens (you probably thought, "OMG Ken is so dreamy" - just teasing) when she was little.
I really loved it, because of the emphasis you put on reality here (in opposion of all the "---- s**t" 's)
It shows us how real is your love for this person, and I liked that.
And i love the breath metaphor.
Nice poem :)
this one is so soft & sweet one.... it puts up a beautiful picture in my mind.but some lines make me laugh too..like the emotional s**t,ken doll one.this poem is very impressive.Great work:)
"Just a falling breath
The last coming unfollowed to turn
Baby, you're bliss
Just pure bliss, none of that emotional s**t
Baby, you're a breath"
...this poem is awesome...
-with 'none of that emotional s**t':-)))
Really--Love It...:-)
Haha, I did enjoy this quite a bit. I can see very clearly in my mind how soft and warm it is. And I did, admittedly, giggle a tad when I read the Ken Doll line, because no one really WANTS that, like you pointed out. I love you, great work.
I like how you bring it down to specifics "without all that s**t" :)
What happens though when that breath is gone? What happens to you?
I loved, "none of that Ken Doll s**t" - made me laugh, but then again what girl hasn't played with Barbies and Kens (you probably thought, "OMG Ken is so dreamy" - just teasing) when she was little.
"Baby, you're orange." That must mean good? I like this poem. The flow, the story filled with happiness. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote