The Rain Or Just The Fit

Work in progress....?

The rain or just the fit

But my hand slipped into yours

And my spinning face was searching

Into your shoulder

 

You kissed my wet hair

I kissed your dry collar

My chest shook in thunder

The lightning above your hair

 

The rain or just the fit

My body left a dry spot on yours

And my spinning face was searching

Into your eyes

 

You kissed my hand in yours

I kissed your shaking chin

My fingers shook in a chill

The fog cradled your face

 

The rain or just the fit

But my dry spot was soaked

And my spinning face was searching

Into your departure

Author's Note

This one is weird for me. Not my usual format, still my usual lovey dovey stuff. Enjoy it, I hope...

Reviews

[FlawedByDesign]

The poem has definitely got a unique form, but it lends itself nicely to the pattern of falling rain.
It sounds to me as if the rain has embraced the two lovers and is sharing in the breakup. I think this fits nicely with him leaving and taking the shelter he provided to her resulting in, "But my dry spot was soaked"

I won't pretend that I grasped the whole poem, but this does not say anything about your writing. It was very refreshing to say the least :)

Well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

Dance, rain and love. No better combination for two people. I like the set-up. I like how the words were dancing and moving. You create a very good vision with your words. A outstanding poem of love and kindness.
Coyote

[Jenny Nelson]

Clever and enjoyable. Great description. Really like the wording and structure of the piece. Well done!

[Crowley]

I loved the format, made it like raindrops, no rhyme or reason. The subject matter was grey and dismal but still warm and protective. I love the mood swings that you can have on a rainy day, and I love the romance of one. I think you have captured that well here. Really nice job sweet.

[Cheyenne]

I really like this!! I think the diffrent format kind of shows a rainstorm and how its all over the place and how emotions can be all over the place also! so this poem of yours i really enjoyed as usual

[Brandon]

another great poem from cheyenne. keep up the good work

[.]

wow-another clever format--a very exotic poem-i love it}

"The rain or just the fit
My body left a dry spot on yours
And my spinning face was searching
Into your eyes"

james:-)