My Path

A poem I wrote in my free time...

 

My Path

 

I follow the path in front of me…

The path turns and twists keenly.

 

It goes up…it goes down

I speedup…I slowdown.

 

I run and I walk

I’ve fallen and I’ve mocked.

 

Through snow and through heat

I tread with a flow and a beat.

 

I may take a break and sit down

With either a headache or a frown.

 

But I get up and keep my pace going

With my face up and my feet marching.

 

But suddenly I stop

Just on a hill top.

 

I look into the distance

Only mist…so I wait with patience.

 

But my eyes catch something out of place

It may be a disguise, or something I should embrace.

 

I sprint down the hill, into the mist

But then I standstill…something I thought didn’t exist.

 

The path in front of me…

splits.

 

 

 

 

For days I sit in front of the two roads

No movement, just my mind about to explode.

 

How can this be? Is all this a dream?

That suddenly, I could change this whole scene?

 

I don’t know what to make of it

My mind suddenly feels outwit.

 

I stop my thinking

And stop all my staring.

 

I finally get up

And then look up…

 

I’ve made up my mind

Everything seems to be blind.

 

I take a breath and step towards the path I chose

Knowing this path I might follow till my death…but I go.

 

Which path a took…will be only a mystery to you

Where it leads to…only god knows the clue.

Author's Note

Give me some critique, I'm up for it, haha :)

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

This is a bit reminiscent of Frost's poem "The Road Not Taken" -- nature, fork in the road, and a decision to make. It makes for interesting poetry. I also liked that the narrator specifically stated that he follows the road before him -- not necessarily the road that he wants to be walking. It adds a certain sense of hopelessness to the piece, and you do so almost clandestinely. I only have a couple suggestions to make as far as this piece is concerned, however.

Some of the rhymes seem forced here, such as line 6. Mocked doesn't seem to fit because nothing is being mocked. If something is being mocked, there is no other reference to it. There are similar rhymes throuhout. Otherwise, the rest of the poem is pretty vague, and vagueness in poetry is not a bad thing. I just think this may be a little too vague. It talks about thinking, but not necessarily about the thoughts... I want to know what the narrator's thoughts, you know? The narrator mentions seeing something that seems out of place. As a reader, I want to know what it is that makes the narrator feel like he needs to either accept or neglect this vision. Describe the vision, no matter how vague.

I would also suggest rewriting the poem as an exercise of sorts. Use the inspiration with which you wrote this poem, but rewrite it with lots of descriptive language to describe the setting, the visions that the narrator sees, and the thoughts the narrator has. You may like what comes out of it or you may hate it, but it's worth a shot and it'll make you think a little differently about writing. Give it a shot. Have a good one, sir, and keep up the good work.