Know

Just something I wrote, November 6th, 2011.

I'm not an idiot. I know that much for sure. but I also know that when you treat me like one, it hurts. I mean, it really does. You said you wouldn't ignore me- well, what is this?
Twice. It was bad enough the first time. But twice? Knowing I didn't quite measure up to your standards? Twice.
Subliminal messages. I hate them. I try, with little success, not to use them. I know they're confusing. I know that when they're taken the wrong way it only ever ends in disaster.
I know it hurts.
How about hipocricy? You seem to be an expert on that.
Just stop, okay? Just stop it all.
Stop talking, because it hurts like hell.
Stop the reminders, because it makes me cringe.
Stop playing me, because I know I'm not your first choice.
I know it, because I'm never anyone's first choice.
I know all this, and somehow I keep letting myself down everytime. I can't keep up with someone better than I'll ever be.
I know.