Life in Colorado

started as a blog, decided it would be noticed more as a story. just a plea for help.

So in November-December time frame, my sister Elissa (Lina Grey (and sometimes Elsie) on here) were skyping with our cousin James in Colorado, and we happened to discover a very unsettling thing: our mother, who walked out on us and our father when we were five years old, has been living in Colorado with our aunt (her sister-in-law) for the past ten years. And no one there bothered to mention it. Apparently our mother went there immediately when she left us because she "needed to get away for a bit"; it was supposed to be a temporary hiatus from our family. It turned into a permanent vacation. Again, we have been in touch with these family members our whole lives, they even came over to Virginia Beach to attend our father's funeral, and not once did any of the seven people living in that household think to tell us that they knew where our mother was. But apparently our aunt has been urging our mother to come back into our lives, and our mother has been chickening out claiming that she would "feel unwelcome in our lives". This is true, now. I mean, you can't just leave unexpectedly like that for ten years and expect a warm welcome. When we were younger, though, we'd, well, I'd have been ecstatic to have her back. Anyway, now that we knew our mother was there, our aunt pushed even harder to reunite us. She even got our stepparents involved. So in January, Elissa and I travelled to Dinosaur, Colorado, with its 340 residents, to live with our aunt and attend high school online with assistance from our grandmother, who is a retired teacher, to make up for the school we're missing.

Life here is terrible. Nine people crammed into a house meant for four, ages ranging literally from 5 to 85. Our mother is impossible. She's moody, unpredictable, and immature. She offered me a beer the other day, saying "Oh it's cool to drink, so long as your mama don't find out. Oh wait, that's me! Hahaha it's still cool." the rest of the family is being no help. They're encouraging her behavior and going out of their way to force us together. Elissa hates it. I haven't heard her laugh since we got here, and she only smiles at me or our 5-year-old cousin, Adelaide. She won't talk to our mother, look at her, talk about her, nothing. She just ignores the very concept of the woman.

I don't know what to do here. Part of me wants to be like Elsie, strong and defiant. I want to teach our mom that she can't just walk out on us and expect things to be okay. Part of me wants to just go home and forget this trip ever happened. Part of me pitied our mom. She's got a lot of problems, and she's really sorry that she left us. I can see it in her eyes when she watches us do homework or read or something, when she thinks we don't know she's there. I can tell she wants to be a part of our family and I pity her. But then the first part kicks in and tells me that she deserves to go through the same pain she put us through. And, there is a small part of me that wants her to reenter our life. I've always wished, sometimes secretly, that she'd come back to us and that we'd be a happy family again. She is not the woman I remember having as a mother when I was little, and she is not the mother I fantasized about having. But she is my mother and a part of me wants her to take up that role again. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to or how to resolve any of this.... Does anyone have any advice? Please?

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

oi girlie, I'm sorry about all this. i understand where you're coming from and where Elsie's coming from, but I do believe Elsie's got it wrong. If anything's going to change between you guys you have to be willing and open. What your mother did was wrong, absolutely wrong. But time has passed, you are all a bit more a mature, hopefully, and it's time to let things heal. She won't ever be your mother again, but she doesn't have to be your worst enemy either. Just talk to her. Get to know her a bit and try to move on. She is human and she has feelings, and you can't get so hung up on the past that you neglect to treat her like a human. Two wrongs don't make a right, yanno. Try to be the mature adult, even if she isn't willing, and do what you know is right. And, maybe, try to get Elsie to understand as well. I know how stubborn she is, but nothing's going to get better until you all stop hating and try to live together. Your family over there is all trying to help you get to that point. I don't necessarily agree with encouraging her bad haits, but they are trying. You have to try as well. This isn't a permanent move, either. You and Elsie are coming back eventually to the loving family you belong with, so just try to hang in until then, if you need to. Just try.