A French Windowed House

It's a short story about a woman struggle to get out from an abusive relationship.

 

            I dreamt about a French windowed house where all were painted white with blue accent on the window pane. The door was dark blue with “welcome” sign hanging in front. It was surrounded by wooden fence and beyond the fence were big Blue Ocean waving calmly. The house has a small garden with Daisies and sunflowers on it and the grass is green, it’s just breath taking. I dreamt myself waking up from night slumber and feel the breeze caressing my face, how warm the sun was, touching my pale skin. I saw myself woke up and joyfully walked to my daughter’s room, I was going to wake her up, we would spend today playing on the beach all day long. That French windowed home was my joy.

            I opened my eyes. I was carried away by my recurring dream about a French windowed house, I forgot where I was. I lifted my eyes and saw my reflection on the dirty glass window in front of me, who is that girl? I couldn’t even recognized myself anymore, I was pretty as I remembered it but now it was all bruises and swollen eyes. What am I doing here? I wanted to get out! God knows I’m trying! But it was an expensive price to pay for love.

            Yes, I love him! I love him very much. He said he would change, he promised it over and over again, and over and over again he beat the crap out of me, and over and over again I believed him, keep coming back to him all because I love him. He was the father of my baby girl for God sake! If not me but my daughter needs him. I wouldn’t let my daughter to grow up without a father figure like I was. I won’t let what happened to me in my childhood happened also to my kid. But was he really worthy of a father figure? He never looked after Kathy, she was as good as living without a father anyway. God, he’s a b*****d! But why couldn’t I leave him? Why did I always coming back?

I felt so embarrassed in front of my family, couldn’t keep my head high in their presence. I was so stupid! I got beat up and couldn’t help myself, did my mother raised an idiotic, love drunk girl? I think this one reason why I couldn’t leave him, it was my pride. I chose him over my family so long ago, I ran away with him and left my family thinking I wanted to be happy and they were just getting in my way of happiness. I didn’t listen to my mother, I was a proud girl back then, now I’ve got nothing not even my pride. It was all gone, he took it out of me and I gave it to him willingly.

            He controlled me, I just prayed to God that despite any harmful things that he did to me, he would never lay hands on my precious Kathy. I wouldn’t allow it! I told him to send Kathy away, playing outside the house before he blew up his rage over me. And when my baby girl come back home, she would ask what happen to my face and I would tell her that I fell, she thought I was clumsy, my funny girl. Had she knew what happened, God it must’ve scared the hell out of her, which is why she couldn’t know.

I must get ready, get his breakfast on the table before he wakes up! The thought of breakfast snapped me out of my daydream. There was nothing on the refrigerator though, how am I supposed to make breakfast only with, well with nothing! I’m screwed! How am I supposed to feed my little girl and him if I don’t even have money to buy food? He took all my money! Yes he took it all to buy that bottle of vodka. God help me!

            I thought I heard him opened the door, Oh My God! He woke up! What am I supposed to do? I daydream too much! Damn Mary! I shivered, God I shivered, I heard him coming and I didn’t have anything for him to eat!

            “Where’s my damn breakfast, Mary?!” He shouted on my ear. God he sounded so pieced!

            “We didn’t have anything on the fridge! There’s nothing for me to cook!” My voice sound so terrifying, had he have a gentle heart this morning, God I wish he woke up with better mood, he’d spare me if so.

            “How dare you make excuses? You fool b***h!” He shouted furiously and the next thing I knew his fist once again landed on my face, this time it was my nose. It bleed.

            “What do you want me to do? You just spent all of our money to buy that bottle last night!” Oh My God, Mary! Stop shouting back

He slapped me. “Do not yelled back at me, fool! I told you! I don’t like to be yelled at!” He grabbed me by my arms. Oh, how he used to grab me by my arms and asked me to dance with him, no music, just him humming. What a happy day back then. We loved each other, he loves me so, and he told me that. He still love me now, doesn’t he? What love is?

            He told me that he loved me but he threw me across the room so hard I hit the wall. I saw my own blood on the wall, I fell over to the floor, I felt so dizzy. I couldn’t see anything, it was all red. Red all over again, I’ve been seeing red since the beginning of our marriage 11years ago. He beat me up for 11 years!           

I felt his big hands on my hair, he grabbed my hair and force me to stand. I just couldn’t! I have no power left of me, he took it all of me! My legs shivered, my head hurts and my face was covered with blood. God have mercy! I might be dead today. Am I a fool all this time, 11 years of believe in him, trust him, love him with all I might and this is what I got? Is this my reward? Got beat up to death almost every day! But he said this is love, tough love is the strongest love of all, was it true?

            “Make me breakfast, woman!” He threw me again, this time I landed on the stove. My teeth shivered and I could feel one of my tooth is about to fell from my gum. Yes, my tooth fell, I lost a tooth.

            I collected my strength to stand up, I hang on to the stove and managed to pull myself up. I saw my reflection on the glass window in front of the dish washer and I looked like hell! Got even worse than earlier, this time I couldn’t even tell if I still have a face or not, whether or not I still have my nose or not. I looked horrible. This wasn’t me! This reflection wasn’t me at all! I wasn’t always like this! I was a pretty girl! But look at me now, I’m unrecognizable. God! I want to be happy and loved! Is this the price of being loved? Just being loved got me paying so much I just couldn’t figure out what should I sacrifice to get happiness? Don’t love and happiness come in one package? Why am I paying so much just to feel loved without feeling happy? I’ve never been happy for 11 years! Come to think about it, I’ve never felt loved too! Yes indeed there were several moments when he showed me that he loved me, that we actually felt so happy but it didn’t feel whole, it was like I was walking on an eggshell scared of making a wrong move and ended everything! And well, all is ended anyway, not long after he would flipped and started to beat the crap out of me.

            I didn’t realize that I cried. I felt my tears came rolling down to my blood cover cheeks. I felt so miserable! He’s a monster! He kept yelling behind me, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ignored him and the next thing I know he bashed my head to the stove.

            I felt so calm and at peace. I was at the beach, it was a beautiful beach! I felt so healthy and strong I ran chasing the waves. And there I saw, a beautiful French windowed house. The house was painted white with blue door. The French window pane was painted light blue like the color of the sky on a bright, sunny day. There were wood fence around the house and beyond the wood fence there was a small garden of Sunflowers, Daisies, Peonies, Gardenias and the grass was healthy green. And what was it I heard some tingling voice in the wind, it was fainted but I’m sure it really there. And there it was hanging on the veranda was a wind chine made a beautiful sound when the wind blew soft through it. That was the nicest sound I have ever heard all my life.

            I walked towards the house, the more I see it, and the closer I got to the house the more I fell in love to it! The house was my dreams come true! The house was mine! It’s my house! I sat on the swing on the veranda and felt the breeze caresses my cheeks, I felt pretty again. My daughter Kathy ran towards the house with her little bucket and her little shovel. She was coming from the beach, she was playing all day on the beach, her skin was tan.

            “Mommy! Mommy wake up!” I heard her yelling. It didn’t make sense what she was yelling about. “Mommy! Mommy please wake up!” I just couldn’t understand what she was saying, why she wanted me to wake up? I didn’t sleep, I was wide awake. “Mommy please wake up, please!” And minute by minute I lost sight of her, she was running towards me but she never made it closer, she just starting to disappear and her voice starting to echoed.

            “Kathy! Kathy where are you?” I started to panic. “Kathy!” The last shout opened my eyes. I felt so dizzy and hurt all over my body. I felt a little hand caresses my face, it wipe my face. It was my daughter Kathy, she lean over me, crying with her hands cover with blood.

            “Kathy..” I whispered.

            “Mommy, are you okay?” asked my little girl with fear.

I looked up and I saw him, God I hate him so much! He did this in front of my baby girl! He promised that he would holding back his anger if Kathy was home, he promised that he would sent Kathy playing outside the house before he started to blow his anger towards me! I wouldn’t want Kathy to experience this horrible ordeal. For 11 years I have protected Kathy from having to see his father beating up his mother!

 “You promise..you promise me you wouldn’t do this when Kathy at home..” 

            God I couldn’t take this anymore! This should stop! This wasn’t a healthy home for my baby girl! I collected all of the strength I have left and stand up, facing him. I turned my back of him, grabbed a pan and smashed his head with it! I smashed it so hard over and over again until he fell on the ground.

            “It’s enough,” I saw him lying on the floor with his head bleeding. He was hurt but he would live and he would live alone. I didn’t want to get through any of this anymore.

            I held my Kathy’s hand and walk out of the house. As soon as I stepped outside I felt so happy and free! And when I looked at my daughter big blue eyes, I felt true love! I felt loved so sincerely it made me happy beyond believe! I’ve never been happy or loved! I’ve been abused this whole time. But now it’s all in the past. Now I and my Kathy would start our new life together, we’ll be looking for that French windowed home by the beach.

 

Author's Note

Tell me your opinion. Don't get easy on me I want to be better so hit me with your best shot.