The All

A Stage Play by Forgotten and Loved

Oswald: Hi, Mary

Mary: Hey, sexy. I haven't seen you in a few days. Where you been?

Oswald: France

Mary: Was it fun?

Oswald: It was okay.

Mary: Care to elaborate?

Oswald: No.

Mary: Did ya get laid?

Oswald: I didn't.

Mary: Nothing at all.

Oswald: I made eye contact with a few girls but, nothing too serious.

Mary: Can I come in?

Oswald: Sure. Why not?

Mary: This place is as terrible as ever. How have you been?

Oswald: Fair enough. You?

Mary: Oh, I'm too old to know anymore. I realzie the older I get the less and less I care. I've never been lonely before which is nice. I've always had someone. You know Mr. Charles down the hall?

Oswald: Sure. Old guy. Grey hair. Glasses.

Mary: Yes, the very one! He and I have had.... welll...

Oswald: Yes. I have heard.

Mary: Does it disgust you to hear about my sex life?

Oswald: Mary, I have known you for 5 years and this is all you talk about. It's perfectly fine.

Mary: Why haven't we ever?

Oswald: We've considered it, but we've always decided to go in separate directions.

Mary: Let's change that tonight. I want you to ravish me and make me a very, very very naughty girl.

Oswald: I'm going to read some Dostoyevsky instead.

Mary: You haven't much interest in intimacy, have you?

Oswald: I haven't a clue. I enioy cuddling the occasonal hug and handshake. Otherwise I'd rather be alone with my Russian novels and a tad of mountain dew on the side.

Mary: That will rot your teeth and brains

Oswald: We all must go sometime.

Mary: How old are you?

Oswald: Ageless

Mary: There you are with that vagueness and mystique to you, per usual. I am 85. I am, not ashamed to say it. I have seen much in some ways, but in others I have seen next to nothing. That's a meaningless statemenjt. Don't put much stock in it.

Oswald: I never do. I am clearly younger than you. I have never had a lover. I have loved, however

Mary: Heartborken so you hardened your heart? Typical. You need to get over that

Oswald: Sadly I am hardly that much of a textbook case.

Mary: Then what

Oswald: it doesn't much matter. we're supposed to be mysteries to one another. That's how life is supposed to work.

Mary: Without connection we'll shrivel up and die

oswald: that's new age hogwash

mary: and yet that's what most people believe

oswald: i choose to be an outsider. want to listen to some music?

mary: no. i want to talk

oswald: not too much of that happening. you want sex. i want solitude.

mary: i might be a sex fiend but i desire more than that.

oswald: tell me about your childhood.

mary: tell me about yours.

oswald: fair play. i had a good one and a bad oine and a dull one and a lonely one and a lovely one and a suicidal one and a frustrated one and a romantic one. it was wonderful and cursed. here i am today.

mary: amazing. i wish i could tell you about mine, but the hens are not roosting at the moment. Do you have cheerios?

Oswald: No I'm allergic to them

Mary: No one is allergic to cheerios.

Oswald: I have convinced myself I am.

Mary: Well, do you have any kinds of cereal?

Oswald: I am allergic to all cereals or any kind of breakfast item. Soon I will be allergic to all luinch and dinner and desert items too. My plan is to be food-free by the end of the year.

Mary: A lofty goal. I was raised by nuns.

Oswald: Were they strict or lenient?

Mary: Rough and tumbled nights.

Oswald: This is a puzzle.

Mary: I wish to…..

Oswald: Wishes are irrelevant. Do.

Mary: Something strange has begun to transpire. I am not myself.

Oswald: It's perfectly okay. Don't worry, relax, calm yourself and know there is possibly a higher power who will welcome you one day.

Mary: What good does that do me now?

Oswald: it's always there, just in case.

Mary: I'm going to get going.

Oswald: You may do what you like.

Mary: May you walk me to my door?

Oswald: I don't want to leave my apartment again. Too many phantoms reside beyond these walls.

Mary: I understand. But I'd still appreciate your company.

Oswald: We have had our company. This has been the result

Mary: You're correct, naturally Shall I come again soon?

Oswald: Anytime you wish.

Mary: I'll see you when I wish, then.

Oswald: Abvsolutely. Take care.

(Mary exits.)

Oswald lies on floor.

Mary re-enters.

Mary: I wish for another chat.

Oswald: Begin.

Mary: Have we ever you know?

Oswald: Do you want to?

Mary: Any reason why we shouldn't?

Oswald: Life is so difficult.

Mary: Yes? No?

Oswald: Life is so frustrating and lovely and bleak and wonderful. Too many paradoxes. Too many grays. Too many possible hurts and consequences. Plus, you're old. I'm young. What connection could be had?

Mary: You contradict yourself often.

Oswald: Don't we all? Part of possessing human flaws. Life is not kind and yet it's so nice.

Mary: I was married young. He died. I never remarried. But I had many liaisons. I even played Madame Armfeldt in "Little Night Music" so I could sing a condensed version of my many liaisons in my life.

Oswald: I get the reference. Very clever.

Mary: I love you, Oswald. I know you will never return my love. I don't know why I've told you this. You told me to do. Here I am doing. I am an idiot and a sex fiend and I'm loose and hurt and lonely and despicable and old and..... but... remmember I'm warm and affectionate and kind and pateitna dn loving.... but........

Oswald: I appreciate your honesty, but enough is enough. Your time has passed. Leave me.

Mary: Yes. I shall. (She exits.)

Oswald: Time will tell if I have done as I ought to have done.

Mary: (Re-enters.) You should lock your door after a woman whose heart you have broken has left.

Oswald: Noted.

Mary: I still love you but I want to kill you.

Oswald: Obviously.

Mary: I never will.

Oswald: No.

Mary: I need to....

Oswald: Leave. Let go. It's over.

Mary: But....