Welcome to the Exciting world of Workplace Orientation!

Tongue in cheek.

Guy named Bob went to work one day. He didn't know it, but before the day was over he was going to be terminated, thrown into the streets, and his life would go into a downward spiral of homelessness, drugs, and jailtime.

Here's how it all went down:

He reported to work promptly at seven AM. His attractive female co-worker Sally-Sue was standing by the punch cards, getting ready to work. Adrenaline began coursing through his body and his gut felt slightly woozy when he saw her. He approached. He was working up the courage for this moment for a long time.

"Hi, Sally!" he said. She looked over at him. "Listen.. Um. You're really pretty. Would you like to go out with me?" he asked.

Sally recoiled and sputtered. Then she screamed. "That's WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!" and slapped him. Hard.

His manager, the heroic and muscular Steve came in as Bob lay on the floor, his mouth bleeding from where his teeth had gouged into his cheek. "What seems to be the problem here," Steve demanded, in his gruff, heroic voice.

The situation was explained. The inappropriate, sexually harrassing actions of Bob were inexcusable. Justice had been dealt.

Pause here to discuss Workplace Sexual Harrassment.

...

In an alternate reality, things had gone better for Bob's proper counterpart. It was the same day. Same situation. But instead of being thrown out, he was promoted. Here's how:

Bob reported to work on time. He saw Sally-Sue. Walked over to her casually.

"Greetings, co-worker Sally," he said. "You are appearing particularly androgynous today. I am going to walk over to the corner and avert eye contact now."

"Why thank you, co-worker Bob." Sally said. "This has been a positive intergender communication."

His boss noted his efficiency and proper behavior, and awarded him with a big promotion, and that, as they say, is that.

Reviews

[Mark]

Interesting. I get it. Are you practicing your exposition?

[LJW]

I love this. Unique, telling, funny.

[lark]

Ooh ooh did you get the neato 80s video with cheesy guitars??!
Haha

[Wisconsin]

Actually it hasn't. I just find workplace orientation videos funny.

[richard hurndall]

Cynical,cynical,cynical- I love it!

This has obviously come from a bad experience. I hope this writing has helped to ease your workplace frustrations.